a materializing dream or nightmare? [Treyjen/Zen]

[tovaana]

T. 2761 M. 11

Treyvin;

His pale gaze seemed to reflect the sea’s color and intensity. Any time there was a ship coming in, he didn’t work very well. He’d pause, watch the dot grow bigger and then convince himself to continue to work…then he’d pause, look out at the bigger dot, now a small ship…so far away, and continue to work. Not until the ship was recognizable, but even then – even with descriptions of his father’s boats… he was told there were three anyways… but who knew, maybe his ship (which he heard was the fastest) would get there a day before the others… It was enough for his imaginative mind to wonder if every ship coming in had his Captain father aboard.

Today though, he could see two ships coming in. He kept looking up to see if a third would appear from over the horizon. His heart was hammering by the time the third dot came bobbing into view and he couldn’t get his feet to work anymore. He’d be useless anyways, so he went to see if he could take the rest of the day off. Treyvin tried not to do it often, for this very reason. What if it wasn’t him? Would it be a waste?

He sighed, his breath chilling in a mist as it hit the cold air. A cold wind came from the ocean and it was days like this that he missed Southern. Or anywhere warmer. He hugged himself, leaning on a railing facing the ocean. There was a small pop above him and suddenly Shipfish was on the railing, pushing himself under Treyvin’s arm and weaving through his folded arms to get his attention. Treyvin smiled distractedly at his young blue’s intentions, but his gaze was right back on the ocean, watching the first ship get closer and closer and closer… Why couldn’t he have some ability that was actually useful? Rather than feel feelings, why couldn’t he use his mind to pull ships closer to him? Or mind speak, like dragons. These things seemed like they would be a lot more useful and practical in that moment. It was moments like these that also made him hate feelings, because his own seemed in turmoil with each other and weren’t allowing him to put up any blockades for the people who passed behind him. Fear, excitement, nerves, frustration, curiosity, worry…

Shipfish made his way to Treyvin’s shoulder and he sighed. “Not now Shipfish, you gotta go.” The blue seemed to tighten his little claws on his shoulder and Treyvin winced. “Ouch, you silly fish, go! You’re hurting me. I didn’t bring my shoulder pad to work for this reason, you’d never let me work!” His head was turned to look at the blue that wasn’t pouting, but hadn’t given up either. He groaned. He had a few moments anyways, the ship was finally pulling in and he felt his hands tighten on the railing. Maybe he could get a job on the ship, at least while it was in dock. He still wanted to be a dragonrider, but if he could get a job on his father’s boat… it had all he had dreamed about for so, so long. His stomach fluttered and he straightened, pulling his blue off his shoulder and putting him on the railing. Shipfish and he struggled for the next few moments, the boy trying to get the blue off of him, but he kept trying to land on Treyvin's shoulder.

He finally got the blue off him, but instead the blue hovered overhead, probably waiting for an opening when Treyvin wasn’t paying attention. He sighed, a small smile touching his lips that was sapped away as he realized that people were coming off the ship. The boy’s hands went to his stomach and butterflies roiled within him, feeling queasy and nervous. Suddenly his grand plan of surprising dear ol’ dad didn’t seem all that appealing at all. He stood there, frozen in indecision as people trickled off, greeting family that noticed the ship’s arrival.

The word “Capt’n” gave his heart reason to stutter and his eyes darted to the voice onboard, finding his feet slowly bringing himself closer to see who the person who had been talking to. The shuffle onboard left him without any more clues – but there was a pale haired woman he did notice, and she seemed so out of place that it took him to realize who it was… Sio? It was rather jarring and confusing, but still less distracting than the word “Captain” being thrown out again. This time, being closer to the plank where people were coming off, he saw the dark haired man that turned at the sound of the title and he felt stiff like one of his wooden carvings, frozen in time as he watched the man walk in and out of sight. He gulped dryly, a small sad smile meeting his face as his tears pricked his eyes. No, no crying. He took a breath, watching the man and realizing that the ghost that had haunted his day dreams was coming to life. He was… real. What was once a figment of his imagination was suddenly with form and as his rainbow started to materialize, the colors were darker and less bright than he had imagined them. What if all his wondering and dreaming made his father out as something more than he actually was, what if his father didn’t want anything to do with a mistake from the past, and what of the vague stories of L’rey? What if the man was not what he had hoped for too?

He found his body moving backward, his legs taking stiff steps backward with each negative thought that took hold of imagination, darkening his dreams. No, he couldn’t handle that, he thought, not now. Blinking, he shook his head a couple times, and turned, his legs taking him further. He didn’t run, but he walked quickly, thinking he wanted to be anywhere but there…but he didn’t have a dragon to run off to, nothing he could escape on, no one that could really understand. Even if he told them his secret, they wouldn’t understand. Not the problem with his father, nor the feelings that wracked at him. Shipfish took advantage of his human's distracted thoughts and landed as softly as he could on his shoulder as he walked away. 

~~~ The Next Day ~~~

He’d asked for different chores away from the docks after he left the scene of his father’s ship docking. It had been nice to do something different, but at the same time it had been just as hard to be around new minds and new feelings, colors and textures that his mind wasn’t used to numbing out. At least it distracted him from thinking much about his father and what it meant to him. The day prior he came to the conclusion that it probably wouldn’t mean much to Treyjen, just another boy – his young mind fabricated a story where he had left L’rey, a son he had known about – so why would he care much about him? The story and low expectations helped him go back to the docks, it helped him stand his ground at the plank that acted as a way on and off the ship.

He waited until someone noticed him and he coolly asked if he could talk to the Captain. Treyvin refused to tell them his name, he wanted to tell Treyjen himself, he wanted to be there for his reaction. He waited for a moment until he was motioned to come on deck, all his work at pushing his feelings down were starting to unwind at just being on the boat he had day dreamed about so many times.

“I want a job.” He blurted when the man finally came out, before he had stopped walking toward him, unable to stop his tongue, a thrill going through him, as disappointed that it was the first words spoken to his father. 

Zen
kevna for brief mention of Sio (feel free to have me edit her out if inaccurate!) 

[Zen]

Treyjen

The headwoman Shennah had been by earlier and they’d gone over the inventory lists from all three ships so she could pick out what she wanted for the Weyr, and then they’d gone through to inspect said goods to ensure they were up to her standards. Treyjen rather enjoyed negotiating with Shennah, she really knew what she was doing and had a great poker face. That woman gave nothing away. She was always a challenge and there were so few people that ever presented one for him. It was more of a game for him… he always ended up letting things go to Mavros for under value. He rarely ever actually paid for his wares, so any price was a profit, really. And it was always satisfying to think how angry his father would be about him ‘giving away’ product. He could hear every word of beratement over it in his mind, every insult. There really was little quite as satisfying as thinking of his father’s ire now that the man could do absolutely nothing about it. If only he really did know of it, and it wasn’t just all in his head.

Staring down at the inventory list and the notations he had made of Shennah’s choices, he shook his head, having lost his focus for a moment. It fell to them now to move everything the headwoman had picked and paid for off the ship so that a dragonrider or two could come to collect it later in the day. From what he’d seen it was normally a task for weyrlings and he wondered if L’rey might be sent this time. Part of him hoped not. He didn’t want his son to be forced to interact with him if he didn’t want to. But then again, if it could just be brief… maybe the boy had thought about it… maybe he would have an answer by now. If it was L’rey that came, he could find out if he was welcome in his son’s life or not and stop wondering. He sighed, ran a hand through his hair. Shells, he needed to focus on the task at hand already.

He pulled the flask from inside his coat and took a quick drink. “Something wrong, captain?” His gaze shifted to Jusikar, who was eyeing him with some concern. Replacing the flask inside his coat, he waved his hand, “Nothing. Grab these three.” He tapped three crates, looking back down at his list rather pointedly. He heard Jusikar sigh but the other man said nothing, simply did as he was told, moving the three crates to the stairs to be hauled out by the next man. It was as he was placing the third crate down that another man arrived, but with the news that there was a boy requesting the captain of the ship. When Jusikar told him, Treyjen’s mind went back to L’rey. Had he been sent down after all? No… no it was too early… they wouldn’t be down to pick everything up until later. He shook his head and headed up to the deck, and indeed it wasn’t L’rey waiting for him. There was relief as well as disappointment upon seeing the young man standing there, one he was fairly certain he’d never seen before.

Before Treyjen even reached him, he blurted out that he wanted a job. Well, that was unexpected. Usually the boys in the harbor cavern already had their jobs working with the fishers. He’d never been approached by one for a job before. He didn’t particularly need to hire on any extra help, but…. He looked the boy over, vaguely curious about his reasoning behind requesting work here of all places. Did he just want to do something different for the day or was he hoping to find something more permanent? In the tiny holds they visited as traders elsewhere on Pern, he had been approached by young men looking to get out and see the world rather than remain stuck in their little coastal home forever. But Mavros wasn’t a tiny coastal hold. Perhaps he was just tired of the conditions, or wanted adventure, as so many young men and boys tended to.

Well, Treyjen wasn’t sure about any sort of permanent employment, he looked a bit young to be taking on, considering their piracy… but for the day? He didn’t mind tossing the boy a couple marks if he proved a decent worker. “A job, hm? I wouldn’t mind having an extra hand to help unload. I’ll pay you a fair wage for your effort… the harder you work, the more you’ll earn.” If the boy thought for a moment that working with traders rather than fishers would be any easier, he would soon find out how wrong he was. Treyjen turned, motioning for the boy to follow, “You can help me below, all the better for me to see just how much your labor is worth today. What’s your name, or shall I just call you ‘boy’ all the day long?”

tovaana

[tovaana]

Treyvin;

The juxtaposition of relief and disappointment was like the swirling flavors in a smoothie, but they did not soothe his throat like a drink did, but pricked his mind. Had Treyjen hoped he’d been someone else? He hadn’t told the man who'd fetched Treyjen his name, so he must have said a 'boy' was there to see him… Had he hoped for L’rey? But he had also had relief, which didn’t make sense if it had been L’rey, unless Treyjen hadn’t wanted to see L’rey… but why would he be sad and glad to not see someone?

It made him even more nervous, his subdued feelings were suddenly released like a flurry of sea birds being chased by a dog, lifting and taking flight in all different directions. It didn’t show on his face though, as young as he was, he had already been able to sometimes control his facial expressions – but mostly it was because he was feeling so many different emotions, his body and face didn’t know what to reflect.

All this happened in the short span between his words and Treyjen’s variation of ‘surprise’ that touched him. Treyvin didn’t have time to wonder what he was surprised about being asked for work, he was too busy thinking about Treyjen’s response that caused a thrill to go through the boy, pushing aside the other feelings for a time. A flicker of a smile at his excitement, a thrill as he followed his father, working on the ship he’d always dreamed of. “I’m a hard worker, sir. I won’t let you down.” His words held more meaning to the boy than the man could ever imagine, and he wondered briefly if he could just live in this moment without the man knowing who he was. Treyvin was happy to just… be there with him, even if he was ignorant. But it was shortsighted feeling that Treyvin could live like that, surely in the future it would gnaw at him if Treyjen didn’t ever know him for who he was.

Then he asked for his name and Treyvin’s dream of the moment going on forever as it was faded back to a reality that made his insides rumble with nerves. “Boy works fine.” Was his knee-jerk reaction, his fear keeping him from saying his name that would surely give him away. Why couldn’t his mother have given him a less obvious name? Or was there something about how she’d felt with Treyjen of why she had named him so closely? Either way, he cursed it in the moment, because while he could lie to anyone, his father wasn’t just ‘anyone’. He sighed. “But, uh. You can call me Treyvin.” He nearly mumbled his name, his insides wanting to jump outside of his body as his clear eyes flicked up to the man who was leading them down into the ship. It would have been better to see his face… but he’d be able to ‘hear’ his feelings, which was good enough.

[Zen]

Treyjen

Well he certainly did seem eager, didn’t he? That was promising, Treyjen supposed. He still wasn’t sure why the boy had come to him for work particularly given the usual options available, but for now it didn’t much matter. He had work to do and prying into some random young man’s life wasn’t something he had time for at the moment. If he wanted to work so badly, he’d put him to work happily enough. When he asked for the boy’s name, the blurted reaction had his brow furrowing slightly as he looked down at his list, reminding himself where he’d left off. And now he didn’t feel like giving his name either? Strange lad, but that also hardly mattered to him. If he for whatever reason wanted to remain anonymous then so be it. Boy it was. Though he could have just as well given a false name in that case. Perhaps he was just nervous and hadn’t gotten the joke?

But before he could either explain or agree to simply calling him ‘boy’ the young man spoke again, falling into a muttering, but the name he gave caused Treyjen to stop walking rather abruptly. Treyvin? He couldn’t begin to believe it was nothing more than coincidence. Either someone was playing some sort of sick joke or… or the boy had sought him out because he was his, and he knew it. He could believe it was a joke, the way his family seemed to keep showing up so suddenly at Mavros. He could believe someone had put the boy up to pretending he was some unknown child of his. If it was a joke he didn’t find it particularly funny. But if it wasn’t a joke then… what were the chances? It could also very well be a very strange, unlikely coincidence. It wasn’t as though people couldn’t have similar names and be unrelated. But for the boy - Treyvin - to seek work out on his ship specifically?

After a long moment of consideration, he turned back to look at the boy, to look at him harder. He thought he might be able to see it… in his eyes. Eyes that were so similar to L’rey’s, and to his own. But if the boy knew, if he was his father, why hadn’t he said as much? Perhaps he didn’t know how to start that conversation. That he could certainly believe. He let out a light sigh, forced himself to relax a bit, and decided to give him the option to bring it up right now, or not. “Alright, Treyvin… is a day’s work all you’ve come to me for?” his brow raised slightly as he awaited the answer. If this was just an odd coincidence he imagined the boy would just be confused by the question, and that would answer that, but he doubted it. If Treyvin was aware of their relation, he could very well lie and say that yes, that was all he was here for, though Treyjen didn’t know why he would. If he didn’t want him to know he was his son, he could have made up a fake name to give him, or just stuck with being called ‘boy’. Which, well, that made a bit more sense now, but also less at the same time. But if he admitted it?

Treyjen really wasn’t sure how to feel about it, if Treyvin was indeed his son. Of course he was very aware of the possibility of his having children about Pern that he knew nothing about. His… encounters with women were many and frequent. But he’d never really considered the possibility of one finding him… showing up out of nowhere like this. It wasn’t that he didn’t want it, exactly… if he had somehow found out about any child of his anywhere on Pern, he would have made some attempt to know said child if the mother was willing… at least before he’d become a pirate. After, well… things were complicated. And if Treyvin was his, he thought the boy was probably lucky never to have known him in his early turns. Unlike L’rey, Treyvin would never have had to face his leaving and never coming back. But where did that leave him now? What did Treyvin want from him?

He couldn’t exactly feel guilty about never having been there for the boy, as he’d not known he existed. If his mother had made any attempt to inform him, it had not been a successful endeavor. And yet… surely his time with the boy’s mother, whoever she was, had meant something to her… or why would she care to give their son any part of his name, much less such an obvious part? It was honestly rather unfortunate. Why had she chosen that part of his name to give him? He’d have preferred for Treylok’s name to die with him. It was hardly a happy legacy. He had so many questions he’d like to ask, and yet it was very likely Treyvin would have his own questions too, and if the boy wasn’t ready to admit it or face it, then he would ask none of his and let him have his time. It was really all up to Treyvin.

tovaana

[tovaana]

Treyvin;

It was easy for the boy to feel the shift in his father’s feelings. The confusion had been light and distracted, subservient to the feelings that came with ‘work’, but now the confusion took the limelight and seemed to be more… what was that flavor or color? Disbelief? If Treyvin had felt the feelings in himself once before then it was easier to recognize feelings in others – with his mother they had done some exercises, but he’d felt that it had been his mother’s curiosity that had fed the little games they had played when he was younger… before she had found her new husband.

The waiting for his response did not agonize him like it would have someone else, he was too busy trying to figure out ‘why’ or 'what' he was feeling, what was it, shocked? Bewildered? In denial? It wasn’t enough time to figure out what his father was feeling; and even with all the layers of feelings that humans possessed, he didn’t detect disappointment – maybe irritation, but it hadn’t stuck… it was like… it was like he was trying to figure out how he felt about it too! Maybe? Treyvin liked that explanation, so he stuck to it, feeling more emboldened when Treyjen finally turned.

Treyvin felt a thrill when the man turned his hard gaze on him, feeling brave and scared silly to meet the gaze back with his own bold stare. It didn’t last long though, the man’s question didn’t call him outright, it was like an invite, a cautious one. He couldn’t tell if Treyjen wanted him to deny it and just go on like nothing had happened… but he would let him? As if he could ignore the name connection? He suddenly felt confused and broke the connection, his eyes drifting to the man’s boots.

“No.” He confessed, his chest tight and the word thick – not sure if he could say anything else. Mostly because while it was true that it wasn’t the only thing he had come for, he wasn’t sure exactly what he had come for.

“…and yes.” Decidedly switching answers, because it seemed easiest and even though he had thought about it for the past day, his self-talk seemed to wither in his father’s presence. He sighed, pursing his lips, looking at the floor a moment and then back up at Treyjen… “I uh… I’ve always wanted to work on your ship…sir.” He swallowed, trying to keep his eyes on the man, his heart loud in his chest from his nerves. This was not something one did everyday, meet your long lost father…who probably didn’t care much for finding out about his son…but it still meant something to Treyvin. “So if… that’s all I get, a day’s work I mean, then…” He wanted to say then that’d be okay, but he couldn’t manage lying to himself, which would be a lie to his father and himself.

His hands were clenching and unclenching at his sides, he had plenty of nervous energy that didn’t know where to direct itself. He let his unfinished sentence just be and start somewhere more productive. “Where do I start?”

Zen

[Zen]

Treyjen

The boy met his gaze initially, but his question had him looking away, downward, and he wasn’t sure if it was in disappointment or if he was only considering his answer. He supposed a boy might like a more joyous reaction from his father, but it wasn’t as though he’d come out and said it either. He couldn’t say what the boy’s reasons were, but it seemed like he hadn’t even wanted to give his name, for him to be able to make the connection, so what did he expect, really? You got what you gave, and right now the boy was being rather secretive, if that was the right word… so if that was how he wanted to play this, then Treyjen would let him.

He did admit it wasn’t the only reason he’d come… at least at first, but then he seemed to backtrack. There was a vague sort of disappointment in him at the answer, at the fact he still wasn’t just coming out and speaking the truth. And yet his admission, that he’d always wanted to work on his ship, was just hinting at it again. What a strange thing to say. Treyjen let it roll about in his mind for a moment, trying to decide just where it came from. So his mother had likely told the boy something about him, and that had left him with some sort of boyish dream to find him and join him on his sailing ventures, perhaps? It made some sense for a boy without a father to want something like that. It might have been easy to romanticize it, to romanticize him, and he was sure he wasn’t living up to those childish expectations.

But Treyvin seemed willing to leave it at that, at a day’s work and nothing else. Willing… but perhaps not content. “Hm,” Treyjen considered him for a moment, his tone mildly challenging, “You don’t sound as though you’d be much satisfied with nothing more than a day’s work.” The boy wasn’t quite a child, not yet a man, but he seemed of an age that Treyjen was not inclined to coddle him or hold his hand through this… odd situation. Treyvin had come to him, not the other way around, and Treyjen would assume nothing about what the boy wanted. He couldn’t read his mind, he could only give as much as Treyvin asked for, and he also felt like he was treading a fine line. Without any real direction from Treyvin, he didn’t want to overstep. Though it wasn’t his fault, he had never been part of the boy’s life before, so what right did he have to try and be a father to him now if that wasn’t what the boy wanted? Maybe he just wanted to know him.

So he gave him further option, which he could take or leave depending on how today went, he supposed, “If you find that to be the case, I’m sure I could find further use for you tomorrow.” It was an open invitation, one meant to convey his willingness to develop this relationship if Treyvin ever wanted to do so, but he wasn’t going to try and force it. The terms were Treyvin’s to set. He turned then, waving the boy to follow once more since he was so eager to start working, “All you need to do is carry things up to the deck, someone else will take it from there. You’re young so running up and down stairs ought to be easy enough for you, aye?” He glanced down at his list and tapped two crates, “You can start with these.”

tovaana

[tovaana]

Treyvin;

Was there hope? An unshaped flavor of disappointment flitted by when Treyvin had changed his answers from negative to affirmative. Did that mean he had wanted Treyvin to want more? Adults were never so simple though, and while he made wild assumptions all the time, he had also learned to never trust the unheard stories that he could only feel and not hear. His lips barely parted, tempted to blurt out and tell Treyjen the feeling he had felt – a game that he had played with his mother sometimes, though after a while she realized she didn’t like the game all the time. People were funny that way, enjoying their secret feelings with a smile on their face.

Treyvin held the gaze, swallowing at the Treyjen’s tone that questioned his answer. He wasn’t a fool it seemed, and he knew that Treyvin wanted more… but that wasn’t the point. Did Treyjen want more? Wasn’t it enough to come to Treyjen and tell him… well, sort of tell him of their relation?

Treyvin’s face flickered with emotion and he nodded in a jerky movement after a moment of thinking of what Treyjen had just told him about having work the next day. “I’d like that, sir.” Working with his father… on his boat… his insides swelled and his head was starting to ache, but even with the new people around him, he wouldn’t let anything ruin this for him.

He grinned easier at his rhetorical question of him being young, but he nodded anyways. Treyvin didn’t question the man at all, just moved to the two crates that he motioned to and started hauling up what he was supposed to as directed. It was a job he’d done countless times, but he’d never gotten as much satisfaction from it as he had that day. Every time he’d look as his father, questions would spring to mind – but so would his growing headache as he pushed himself physically more so than he would normally. He wanted to show his father he could work hard and that hiring him wouldn’t be just because of his relation.

At the end his cheeks and forehead were flushed red and he sat on an empty barrel, his heart beating loud in his head. The exertion had loosened his own emotions, swirling with emotions of those around him – luckily no one else was worked up because they were meeting their father for the first time. By the end of a long day the emotions were subdued and somewhat easier to manage, especially in an uncrowded location.

He glanced over and saw his father, waiting until he had a moment and wandered closer to him. Treyvin swiped at his forehead with his shirt and asked out loud to him to catch his attention.

“Do you live on your ship? Even when docked?” Of the questions he had hurling around his head, this seemed the most harmless.

Zen

[Zen]

Treyjen

The boy was a hard worker, though Treyjen couldn’t be certain if he was normally so industrious or if he was pushing himself at all more than usual on his account. Jusikar hadn’t minded terribly being replaced by the boy, taking over up on deck instead, though the curious look he’d given Treyjen was only met with a slight shake of the head. He’d explain it later. It certainly wasn’t typical of him to hire on help with their work at Mavros. But the job had gotten done, and he was just finishing checking up with Karosh to make sure everything from the Sea Dragon had been unloaded, as the man had come to inform him of that very thing. He’d likely have to go to the Bright Wing himself. Nalyra didn’t particularly enjoy trading business and usually dragged her feet about it.

The question drew his attention back to the boy as Karosh was leaving, and he gave a shrug of one shoulder, “Aye, technically I suppose. Depends whether I fancy finding a different bed for the night.” Some nights he slept alone on his ship, some nights he brought back company, and some nights he took to his company’s bed instead. It was difficult to say where he would be sleeping from one night to the next, but where you lived was more than where you slept. “The Storm’s Eye is my only home, though. I’ve not made a residence here at Mavros. I much prefer my ship… been sailing since shortly after I could walk and nothing feels quite like home if I don’t have the rock of the sea beneath me,” he explained as he cast an obviously fond look about the deck.

Being ashore on solid, still ground, particularly in the caverns at Mavros with the press of stone all around, always felt unsettling and oppressive in comparison to a deck shifting under his boots and wide open sea and sky stretched out before him. He looked back to Treyvin, considering questions of his own, “What about you? You live here in the fisher caverns?” He wondered, really, how Treyvin had come to be at Mavros, and where he was actually from. He was obviously too old to be a child of any of the women he had met here. It sure was becoming a recurring theme, his family showing up at Mavros out of the blue. He hoped the trend didn’t continue and bring some very unwanted company with it.

tovaana

[tovaana]

Treyvin;

His wording took him off guard at first, different bed? One didn’t just… and it was a good thing his face was already flushed when he realized that his father was probably talking about other occupied bed. “Is… that how you met my mother?” Then he realized, that if he often found other beds, that perhaps he didn’t even know who his mother was. He glanced down, not sure how he felt about his mother not being all that important to his father…not that his mother had seemed to care and now she had her current husband…”Vineya?” His mother had told him about Treyjen, but not about how they had met, not – that he supposed – that it mattered… perhaps he shouldn’t have brought it up and he swallowed nervously, glancing up at the man and then down at the ship.

Treyvin’s gaze now lingered on the deck as he talked about the ship being his home. The way he talked about it – there was a sense of loyalty, a feeling of… love? But it was the type of love that was long lasting, not the spark one feels when meeting someone for the first time, but the rooted kind. It was strange to think his father felt that way about his ship, even if it made sense… but it made him feel uneasy that Mavros wasn’t his home either, it meant that he could leave any time and never return, like he had done before… like to L’rey? That flooded with even more questions, but he wasn’t sure how to approach that subject… he was more interested in creating a bond with his father, not interrogating him.

He was glad he had decided to go back to being a candidate, realizing he’d be more ashamed to admit to his father he had given up on it for a period of time. “No… the Weyr actually… candidate barracks.” Half of his mouth pulled in a small smile and shook his head somewhat disbelieving. “I was Searched to be a dragon rider.” Even though saying he was in the candidate barracks was obvious enough, he still liked saying it out loud, especially to his father. His smiled faded somewhat. “I uh, went back – you know, in time? If you heard? Like L’rey did. But, I haven’t found my dragon yet.” His words twisted the story as if he’d had any choice in the matter. “And, there aren’t any eggs on the Sands, so I spend a lot of my time on the docks. Back at Southern I worked at the docks and on ships. Lots of knots. Carving.” He shrugged a sore shoulder, “I still enjoy it.” Can I join your crew? He mentally added on, thinking he was already excited to come back the next day to see what he needed help with on the Storm's Eye. Couldn't he make it his home too? To feel that rooted feeling with him? He'd never felt that way about home, maybe for his mother... but not for Southern. Perhaps he had spent too much time wishing he was elsewhere to create those roots. 

Every now and then he looked at Treyjen, but mostly he was playing with his hands, trying to calm his headache so he could ‘listen’ to his father’s emotions. His mother had told him to be careful about his ability, but what about his father? His mother knew, so his father should to? Would it be lying if he didn’t tell him? He didn’t tell others…

“So, you’re from Tillek, right? Like L'rey?”

Zen

[Zen]

Treyjen

“Is… that how you met my mother?”

His brow raised slightly and he was mildly amused by the question, “Oh, now we’re talking about it, are we?” They’d gone about their work as if they weren’t a son just meeting his father for the first time, but either the boy felt more comfortable broaching the subject now or his curiosity had gotten the better of him. While the answer to his question was most certainly a yes, he had no rightful idea who his mother was. Which it seemed Treyvin realized after a moment. Vineya. It didn’t instantly register a memory, but it would have been several turns ago so that wasn’t surprising. Hm. He let the question slide for now as the subject shifted. Perhaps if he could determine where the boy was from it would help his memory. It was just as likely it wouldn’t, perhaps more likely, but as he’d thought before, he imagined he’d likely spent more time with Treyvin’s mother than he typically spent with a woman for her to have named their son in such a manner. There was a chance he could remember her with the right prompting.

There was a moment of subtle surprise in him as Treyvin admitted to being a candidate, but then considering L’rey, and Yva even, it wasn’t all that surprising in the end, was it? It was certainly a wonder how the youth in his family was all suddenly being Searched for Mavros. It made him wonder briefly if he might have been Searched when he was younger, if he’d ever gotten near enough to a dragon. Not that his father would have let him go, nor at this point in his life did he think he would have been happy with the life of a rider, but he was curious if it could have been a possibility. It often ran in families, as was quite evident by his two sons and niece. His wondering was ended when Treyvin said he’d gone on the venture back in time. Which meant his age was wrong… he should be about two turns younger, not that it helped terribly when he didn’t know exactly how old he was, but he seemed of an age with L’rey….

And it seemed he knew L’rey was his brother as well, or why would he have brought the boy up? He couldn’t help but wonder what L’rey might have said of him to Treyvin… if he even deemed him worth talking about. Guilt rose in him as it always did whenever he thought of L’rey, though he tried not to let it linger. Treyvin was speaking of Southern, and vague memories stirred as he latched onto it and sifted through anything he could recall about time he had spent at Southern Hold, glad for the distraction from the simmering guilt. It would have been at least twelve turns ago. Vineya. Ah, the healer girl! He remembered the fight, he still had scars from it, though the one on his chest had faded some, but it had been the one on his arm that was worse. Vineya had tended to him and he’d worn her down, though he’d half expected he’d fail in wooing her at the time. Shells, but he did tend to spend more time on it back then, didn’t he? If he’d met her now, he doubted he would waste so much time pursuing her, but he’d been younger then.

To be honest he couldn’t much remember what she looked like, as he took Treyvin in again, trying to determine if he could see anything of his mother in him. He really didn’t know. It seemed he had inherited his love of ships and the sea, though. “To answer your question,” he started off, going backward a bit, “No, that isn’t how I met your mother. There were some men harassing her and a friend of hers in a tavern… so my friends and I saw to it they were left alone. One of the men pulled a knife on me. Your mother stitched me up.” He frowned slightly, thinking about Vineya, “I was back in Southern several times after I… met her. She seemed like the sort that might have sought me out… about you. But I suppose I didn’t know her all that well in the end… we only spent something like a sevenday together.”

L’rey hadn’t been born yet when he’d met Vineya. He was pretty sure Gildira hadn’t invited him into her bed yet even… though it might have been shortly after, or shortly before. He couldn’t remember. Either way Treyvin was likely older, by a turn or so. “How is she? Your mother? … I know it can be difficult for a woman, unwed and with a child…. I would have tried to help provide for you, if I’d known.” Back then he didn’t really have a whole lot to offer. He’d been what, 18 or 19? Just another hand on his father’s ship, mostly. But he would have done what he could, anyway. It hardly mattered now.

Treyvin’s next question brought up L’rey again and he glanced away from the boy at another pang of guilt. “Aye… though I’ve never claimed Tillek as my home either, even if I was born there.” He turned his gaze back, “I wasn’t able to see L’rey Impress, but… perhaps I’ll be able to attend the hatching that finds you your dragon. I can’t promise it, but I can try.” He knew better than to make promises he couldn’t be sure he could keep. One broken promise to L’rey was enough. He was determined not to break anymore, not where his children were involved. “What are you hoping for? A bronze?” he took a lighter turn to the conversation, mildly amused at the question. What boy didn’t want a bronze? And thinking about it again, he was quite certain he would be unhappy in the life of a dragonrider. The rigid hierarchy of dragons would be far too oppressive.

tovaana

[tovaana]

Treyvin;

He grinned. His initial response for being called out at bringing up their relation was bashful – but his father’s soft amusement was not a negative emotion, and mixed his bashfulness with amusement of his own. When Treyvin had told his father he had been searched, the boy was surprised that his father was surprised at all– how had he assumed that Treyvin had gotten to Mavros? He supposed his mother could have chosen to find a home elsewhere… but he couldn’t even see his mother doing that, but would she have if Treyjen had come back and found her pregnant? Then the surprise was followed by thoughtfulness – and not nostalgia… something akin to regret, but not that either. It was madly distracting trying to analyze feelings while talking. He had done it more of it when he was a kid, now it was just part of conversations, extra information and noise inside of him, mostly useless unless he was trying to get something he wanted.

There was some guilt that flared in the direction of Treyjen – it couldn’t have been because of Treyvin not impressing, that didn’t make sense. But he had mentioned L’rey a moment ago and he remembered the unfinished story that his half brother had told him. His own curiosity pulled at him, he leaned forward when the man finally began to respond to him.

He blinked, processing what his father was saying – at first he was simply enthralled in the story, thinking it the beginning of something romantic and then… he blinked again, thinking of his mother – she had made it seem like there had been no way to tell Treyjen once she found out she had been pregnant. Treyvin’s young brain flared with confused resentment toward his mother. He suddenly didn’t want to see her ever again, but then – he wanted to know, he needed to know why. He couldn’t fathom why she would want to keep him away from his own father. If anything, that thought made him want his own father even more.

When Treyjen mentioned it would have been hard for his mother – he explained the ‘why’ a little, there was something more in that story that he needed to know. He sighed when Treyjen asked about his mother. A trip to go see her was long overdue, even if he hadn’t actually been gone all that long, it felt even longer because of the trip back in time. He shrugged a shoulder, “she’s fine. Still in Southern, married, kids.” He was still feeling bitter, even if he knew there could be a reason, it was hard to see past the fact that he could have grown up knowing Treyjen, maybe have had a relationship with the man from the sounds of it, he could have made their life easier!

The guilt in connection to L’rey was unmistakable this time. It dawned on Treyvin that whatever the story was behind leaving, that he felt bad about abandoning his son. Did that mean it hadn’t been a good reason? Or was it just because he hadn’t seen him impress? It wasn’t like he could have anyways – they only took essential people for the trip, so… that didn’t seem as likely.

“That’d be cool.” He responded to the idea of Treyjen being there when he impressed – something he hadn’t been able to do for L’rey. Something he could have that L’rey didn’t, even if it wasn’t a bronze. Even though his words seemed indifferent, there was a smile on his face that spoke to the idea of his father seeing him impress.

The question had him looking up at the sky thoughtfully, noting that the man had mentioned ‘bronze’ specifically. It meant that he wanted him to impress to a bronze, right? “Yeah, a bronze would be awesome, but who knows. I guess one doesn’t really get to choose.” He was quiet for a moment. He wanted to confide in his father, he had missed having his mother – someone he could vent about things, anything – like his ability. He could bring up the guilt in connection to L’rey… but he didn’t want his father feeling badly, it didn’t seem like something he would want to talk about. Treyvin wished he had made a different connection, something worthy to talk about.

Unable to think of any good reason to quell his fear and open up to his father, he decided to go off the current subject of dragons. “Did you ever want to be a dragonrider?”

[Zen]

Treyjen

The short way Treyvin answered the question about his mother had Treyjen wondering if he had some resentment for the woman. He couldn’t imagine why. From what he remembered of her, she’d been a decent woman with a good head on her shoulders. She likely would have made a fine mother… though having a child unwed could have brought on hardships that perhaps made her less of one than she could have been? Or maybe the resentment was for the family she had where Treyvin did not quite fit in. He couldn’t know without asking, and he had no intention of prying into it. If it was a sore subject it was better left alone unless Treyvin brought it up himself… at least if the boy was anything like him. He let any further inquiry about the boy’s mother, or the family she had and how they might treat him, die on his tongue so that the conversation might shift to something less heavy.

Treyvin seemed to like the idea of him being there for his Impression, despite what appeared to be some small effort to hide it, or at least perhaps dampen any enthusiasm about it. It wasn’t a sure thing, after all. He was away often and could not reliably promise to be back in time for any hatchings… but until the boy Impressed, he could try to keep track of them and see them back at Mavros before they were due. The last hatching he’d attended had certainly been eventful, he wouldn’t mind watching a few more. He was sure Yva would like to have him there too. Vaguely he wondered if Treyvin had met his cousin. If he had, it must have been while he was away or she probably would have already told him about the boy. That girl’s mouth was always running, that much hadn’t changed.

Treyjen barely withheld a displeased noise at Treyvin’s mention of lack of choice in the matter. Yet another reason he wouldn’t want to take such a path. “Mm, I suppose you must be open to possibilities as a candidate, lest you wind up disappointed. Though it seems to me that it takes a certain type of courage to give up control and put your future in the hands - eh, claws, perhaps? - of infant dragons.” His words were thoughtful, half musing, and he ended them with a short shrug of dismissal. It wasn’t something he could ever do, that was for sure, to allow a hatchling to decide so much of his future for him and not be given a say in the matter.

When Treyvin asked his question, he took a moment to think back, not really remembering a time when being a dragonrider was something he’d ever wanted. His thoughts briefly took a darker turn, the undercurrent of anger, hatred, and that damnable fear when he thought back to how his father had treated him. He had imagined, on more than one occasion, having a dragon… generally while enduring his father’s wrath, wishing he had a dragon who could swallow the man whole so he could escape him forever. But that was different than wanting to be a rider. He pulled himself quickly out of those thoughts before they could draw him in too deep, stopping himself as a hand instinctively started reaching for the flask in his coat and forcing it back to his side.

He shook his head lightly in further attempt to shake loose from those thoughts, glad the motion could just as well be taken as part of his answer, “Can’t say that I did, but I was a child of an Interval. Sailing all over Pern, I heard how riders were spoken about. The opinions of many during an Interval are that the Weyrs are a drain on resources, though these are conclusions drawn by people too shortsighted to see the necessity of investing in the Weyrs even when they are not fighting Thread. I did not share these opinions, but I felt no real draw to the life, either. The sea already had my heart… I’d no room for a dragon.”

Treyvin would have been born during the last few turns of the Interval as well, but he was growing up in a Pass, and it was different. Dragonriders had come back into favor now that they were doing their duty as the saviors of Pern. The people at large were quite fickle in their affection for the Weyrs. And now he turned his own question back on the boy, curious, “Why did you decide to accept Search? You seem to have a fondness for ships and the sea, and you’re a ready enough worker, I’m sure you’d have no trouble finding a ship that would hire you on… what made you want to be a rider instead of pursuing the life of a sailor?” There was no judgment to the question, only open curiosity. He wondered if it was some romanticized notion of dragonriders that was common in youth, or if the boy had some other reason.

tovaana

[tovaana]

Treyvin;

He let out a quiet sigh of relief when his father didn’t pursue the curiosity that followed his curt response about his mother and family. He himself didn’t even fully understand his own feelings, so it was easier to let it fade away and focus on the other feelings that emanated from his father. There was some sort of unhappiness when it came to something about dragons. It coupled with his comment about being open-minded. Any displeasure sparked worry in his own mind, but as his father started talking about courage, it made him think that whatever it had to do with choices and dragons, that it hadn’t been in himself, but maybe about dragons in general.

He flashed a hesitant smile at this, his legs slowly kicking, his heels knocking at the barrel he was sitting on.

Treyvin took a sharp breath of air at the sudden feelings that ebbed from his father’s memories as he thought backward. His legs froze, his hands gripping the barrel and he looked up at his father’s thoughtful face with wide eyes. It had been just the memory of such feelings, but they had surprised Treyvin, he hadn’t imagined their conversation could spark such feelings…and he couldn’t even fathom how his question about ever wanting a dragon could spark such terrible feelings. Did he hate and fear dragons that much? Or was there some other story he was missing?

The shake of the man's head seemed to loose the feelings, but Treyvin's keen eyes caught his hand retreating from his coat, whatever he’d been grabbing toward. His own heart seemed to be thumping loudly again, even after sitting and resting. He listened cautiously to his father’s words, but wary of striking such emotions in his father again. Perhaps it was better… to not ask questions.

“Oh.” He said in response for not having room for a dragon. Did he have room for another son?

The question the captain turned back on his son had Treyvin’s stomach twisting with guilt. Yet, if he had not gone with the dragonrider and her green, the likelihood that this reunion of happening any time soon… well, he doubted it would have. His mind went backward, thinking of the struggle he had gone through in making his decision.

“No one would take me seriously and take me aboard, not back before I was Searched. And… I still love the sea, ships, and the ocean…” He shrugged, his eyes averted for the moment as he remembered those feelings. “There seems to be adventures out at sea that one can’t really have on land – but I figured in the sky…” He eyes glanced upwards, a dragon’s silhouette above them, then down to his father. “Just a different kind of adventure. Kenessia-er, the Searcher, said I could still have that part of me here. She told me that it wasn’t a for sure thing, anyways.” A short cut to adventure was what it had been – and apparently to his father as well. With the idea that he might not impress had him thinking about his father’s boat and spurred the next question.

“Would you hire me on?”

[Zen]

Treyjen

No one had taken him seriously? He had to remember that before coming to Mavros the boy would have been a decent two turns younger than he was now… perhaps he’d been a bit too young for strangers to consider taking the boy on, particularly if he had no seacrafter family to vouch for him or keep an eye on him. Adventure, was that what had drawn him to Mavros, to be a rider? If he couldn’t have it at sea, this was the next best thing? Well, he had to have been pretty young when he was Searched, after all. It was likely he hadn’t exactly considered all the consequences of being a rider at the time. But he didn’t seem particularly passionate about it… was he having second thoughts?

The question, then, didn’t catch Treyjen off guard quite so much as it might have if his answer about why he had chosen to accept Search had seemed more enthusiastic, though he still had to take a moment to consider his answer. If they were but traders, he wouldn’t hesitate. He’d happily take the boy on if it was what he wanted. But with their piracy? He’d no desire to drag any child of his into this life. His thoughts turned briefly to his conversation with Asirikai some months ago and the possibility that lingered… that they may yet have a chance to leave piracy behind. But that was no sure thing and depended heavily on the turn’s end voting.

“Hm,” he considered the boy thoughtfully for another moment, “Perhaps, in a turn or two, when you’ve given your candidacy a fair chance, aye? Or were you planning to give it up after one failed hatching?” It was a gentle challenge, one he hoped might steer the conversation away from Treyvin joining his crew for now. In a turn or two… perhaps they would be nothing more than traders once more and it would be safe to let the boy join. He was pretty sure that was wishful thinking, but it was a possibility, even if not a likely one. So it wasn’t a lie and it wasn’t a promise, but it also hopefully meant he wouldn’t have to explain to the boy why he couldn’t allow it right now.

“Ah, speaking of hiring…,” he reached into his coat for his purse of marks and held two full marks out for the boy, “Your pay for today. I meant what I said about finding more work for you tomorrow, if you’re interested. The Weyr always gets first pick, but I’ll be negotiating with the Holder Elect tomorrow so there’ll be more product to move.” He studied the boy for another moment, “I’ll be setting up shop for the general population for a few days after. How’re your bartering skills? Afraid most of my crew don’t really have the manner or finesse for it. They’re good sailors but poor traders.”

“Heard that!” a man passing by shot at him.

Treyjen raised a brow at the man, “Aye, and y’not denyin’ it either.”

The man laughed as he continued on his way, “Piss off, captain!”

Treyjen gave a short laugh, turning back to Treyvin, “Anyway, if you’d like to try your hand at it, we’ll see if you inherited any of my skill, eh?” He was mildly curious if the boy would have a natural affinity for it or not. A good trader was a quick thinker, a decent manipulator, and skilled at reading people. These were things that could be honed but he was of the opinion that there needed to be a foundation of natural skill to build on… otherwise Rey wouldn’t have failed so spectacularly at it.

tovaana

[tovaana]

Treyvin;

He didn’t look away from the dark haired man as he contemplated the question, though it didn’t do much good in figuring out what his father was thinking. There was some sort of internal conflict, but as always – no words to go with the song. When he finally answered he let out a breath slowly that he’d been holding in anticipation. A turn or two? Why so long? He pursed his lips, but didn’t glance away at the challenge, considering his father carefully. Did he not take him seriously, as others hadn’t? Or was there something he wasn’t telling him? It was as if he was coming up with an excuse for the internal conflict before, not that he was actually worried about him giving dragon riding a chance.

“No...” He said with a low sigh, answering the latter question. If it’d been his mother, he would have called her out on it, but his own boyish pride felt the challenge as subtle as it’d been. He did finally glance down at his hands, the shame of quitting creeping up on him finally as it wore his pride down, paired with a drop of indignation at the accusation. It wasn’t fair! Treyjen didn’t know what it had been like to be on the sands! There’d been some sort of hopeful feeling after the challenge, but he assumed his father hoped that he’d back down from the idea of joining his crew, and he’d be disappointed if that was what he hoped.

His stubborn thoughts of how he would never give up getting a position in his father’s crew were distracted as he presented the marks. Treyvin took them gently, playing with them in his hands, more eager in what his father was presenting as an opportunity to prove to him he could be an asset. Bartering? That was like making deals – right? His thoughts were distracted, like a rock being thrown into a pond as a man went by with his comment, humor rolling off of him, despite the accusation.

Treyvin grinned at the interaction, a pride swelling up as he heard the man call his father captain, even if he was telling him off. The man had felt bitter – but mostly there had been humor. He turned his grin on his father, unable to contain his enthusiasm.

“Yeah. Bet I have, too.” Did his father have his ability? Was it something passed down, like the color of eyes or hair?

And finally he realized that if he wanted to keep his ability secret from his father, then bartering with others and manipulating their feelings would be the opposite activity that he should agree to. But part of him wanted his father to figure it out, part of him was scared that what his mother had said about treating him different would be true- that people would be afraid of him, or act differently knowing he could feel their feelings. Still, that worry seemed weak in his excitement to spend more time with his father. He stood up, pocketing the marks. “When? I’ll be there, Captain.” Treyvin stretched his arms, pulling on and then the other, turning his excitement back to casualness, especially as he used the man's title. He didn’t want to leave, but his head was pounding, and if he was going to be working with various feelings the next day, he needed to be well rested physically and mentally if he wanted to prove himself useful to his father.

Zen