Ripples [Joia PRP series]

[Alyx]

Joia and White Tellamuth
(Roughly a week after their graduation)

It had been on her mind since the first time they’d accidentally skipped time; well, it had been once she’d calmed down enough not to throw up. She had promised D’rew she and Tellamuth wouldn’t stupidly try the trick on their own – but they’d been Weyrlings, fresh off that first terrifying Between. They both knew they weren’t ready for anything as scary as timing on their own, no matter how relaxed and confident the White was with his natural skills.

But now? Now they had experience. With and without others knowing; they’d help bring back the Travelers that had timed back for the Twins’ clutches, without losing a single soul. Privately, they’d tried their own shorter jumps – two days, a week… each time, testing the distance a little more. She would test her own limits; holding her breath longer and longer – because one panicked gulp in the inky black would and could be the end of both of them. Poof… and no one would know what happened to them…

But she wanted to do this. She needed to know for sure; the voice from so long ago, that tested her wills and coaxed her just one more day in Mavros… before Tak’ril had been there as an anchor before she had really let Nova in… she needed to.

Sitting on the beach, she watched the water lap at the sands, gathering her nerves. Tellamuth rumbled softly, laying stretched out behind her, content to let Joia decide when they were doing this ‘test’ of hers. I still don’t understand what exactly you want to test. Joia smiled. ‘I can’t tell you, or it wouldn’t be a real test, silly.’ The White huffed. ‘Besides, I told you the important parts.’ Indeed, but I still don’t know what you expect us to do there. Is there something you want to change? ‘No, more like something I think will change if we don’t do it.’

Tellamuth didn’t try to hide the confusion from her as he watched her push to her feet and dust off her leggings. Ready? ‘I think so.’ She couldn’t say yes for sure, but at the same time, she also didn’t want to keep overthinking it. Tellamuth gracefully lifted himself off his belly, stretching his wings out around them for a moment before folding them back against his barrel. Is there anyone you want to warn? The White’s tone was soft, gentle. Instantly, she thought about Tak’ril and No’va… Joia bit her lower lip softly. ‘No.. no, I don’t want them to worry. I left a letter on my bed, if I don’t show up at dinner, No’va will come looking.’

Tellamuth snorted softly, clearly unhappy with the idea, but he didn’t object as Joia climbed into position. ‘Besides, I trust you to do this as flawlessly as you do everything else.’ The White chuckled. Flattery will get you everywhere. ‘I know.’ She tightened the straps, then took a deep breath. “Okay. Let's do this.” Tellamuth’s pale sails flared open, and the white shoved off the beach in a whirlwind of sand and salt.

As the pair climbed higher in the sky, Joia closed her eyes, summoning up the picture she’s worked so hard to remember. The autumn air, crisp with the edging of winter. The afternoon sun, scattered with faint looking stormclouds. The watch dragon, a green, resting on the rim… She pulled it all together, piece by piece, until she couldn’t get it any more perfect, then send it to the White under her. She felt him purr softly. So real you could smell the rain coming. She smiled. ‘Well, I would rather we not get lost.’

Tellamuth swung around, leveling out in the sky. Joia could see the Weyr, just a bit over the cliffs. Ready? Was she? Was she really? She could feel her heart smacking her ribs, her hands shaking a bit on the straps. ‘Yea. Yea, I’m ready. Let's do this.’ Tellamuth didn’t need to be told a second time; the tone was enough. Joia took a breath and closed her eyes at the same moment, then Tellamuth tossed them into the black, froze nothingness. For her own sanity, Joia didn’t count; she simply leaned forward, pressing her hands against the Dragon’s hide and trusting him to find the light at the end of the tunnel.

Her lungs burned, her forehead pressed against Tellamuth’s neck. Don’t breathe, don’t breathe, don’t breathe… then warm air. Sun on her back, and Joia gasped. She shoved up off the arch of Tell’s shoulders, her eyes scanning the dark grass before. What are we looking for exactly? ‘Just wait.’

A form burst from the edge of the Bowl, near the Hatching Grounds. Running full bore over the grass like a mad thing, uncaring if she found the edge of the world and fell off into nothing. Joia’s throat closed up for a moment, tears welling in the edge of her eyes. The figure tripped once, then continued for several steps before tripping again. Grass-stained white robes, blood from cut knees…. Tellamuth whined gently. Not Broken. ‘I was then.’ The White’s warmth was there in a moment, and she smiled.

‘I’d lost everything, Tell. My friends were all Impressed, the blue who’s eggs I touched Betweened, and Aleni got ‘my gold’. I thought my world was over.’ But it wasn’t. ‘No… but someone had to tell me that. And I still didn’t believe them.’ She let the memory go, letting Tell in a bit more; the White rumbled softly, gliding to a spot away from where they might be seen, and reached out to the Joia-that-would-be-his, his voice soft and distant just like Joia remembered then.

‘It wasn’t their fault. Your match wasn’t on the Sand this time.’ Quiet. ‘It just wasn’t.’ Quiet. ‘Life isn’t fair. You know that’s true.’ Quiet. ‘Why are you yelling at me?’ Quiet. ‘Am I now?’ Joia didn’t need Tellamuth to fill in the other end of the conversation; she remembered it as clear as the day it had happened. She didn’t coach the dragon either, letting Tellamuth handle it on his own – handle HER on his own, as he always had. ‘Nothing. Nothing at all.’ Pause. ‘He wasn’t yours.’ Pause. ‘No.’ She could feel the warmth, the need to calm her radiating off the White. ‘I know you would have… but it wasn’t you he needed.’ Pause. ‘No, you didn’t.’ A longer pause. ‘Do you really? Why?’ ‘If that is what you really want.’ It had been. ‘Very well.’

You were stubborn. Joia laughed, reaching a glove up to wipe the fresh tears off her cheeks. ‘What is this Was?’ Tellamuth laughed softly. True enough. Did you really want to leave? ‘More than anything. I begged S’bol to send me home. I remember crying and screaming at him, but he wouldn’t let me. One more hatching, he said… one more, and you can go home if you don’t Impress.’ So you agreed to stay. ‘Really didn’t have much of a choice. I wasn’t exactly going to be able to get home without help.’

Joia didn’t know how long they sat there; just… being, more than anything else. The sun had tilted, starting to drop into the sea like a sinking ship when Joia finally signaled Tellamuth back into the sky. They backed away from the Weyr, over the water like a spirit. It seemed like another person’s life; her pain, her hate… it wasn’t Joia’s, but in another way it was? Don’t think too much, you’ll drive yourself crazy. ‘I know. I just… I want to help her so much. I mean, I was her, I was there, I hated everything so sharding much…’ but that’s the past. We can’t change that.

Joia summoned up the image of the beach when they had left; warm sand, cold seawater, the bite of salt in the breeze, and tossed it to the White gently. A deep breath and they were gone… leaving that shadow of her former self to her self-pity. Moments later, the Skies over Mavros opened up in front of them, and Joia was fiercely happy to be back ‘home’. Tellamuth checked quickly, confirming that they were in fact back where they were supposed to be.

So, that was your test. She nodded. ‘I wasn’t sure, the memory was fuzzy. But it sounded so much like you, I couldn’t not try. If it had been you, well… then I couldn’t not go back, could I? Sometimes, arguing with that voice was all I had to ground me. I didn’t really meet Nova till days after the hatching, and Tak’ril was over a month, maybe a bit more? I was alone, I needed that, even if I didn’t realize it at the time.’ They glided over the bowl, Tellamuth shifting their course toward their personal weyr. So we will be doing this again, yes? To keep younger you from doing something stupid? Joia smirked, leaning forward to run a hand over the dragon’s neck. ‘Yea, but not tonight. Once was enough for now; now that I know it was you, it will be easier the next time. I hope at least.’

Tellamuth’s strength and love washed over her. Whenever you are ready, Joia. After all, we have all the time in the World.

(OOC thread for Reference the other POV: Painful Lessons)