Contriving Freedom [No'va/Zen]

[kevna]

Vanisha - Daughter of Tidewalk

Vanisha watched Asirikai go, standing next to her mother she felt conflicting thoughts flooding through her. Technically he had been right, hadn’t he? Being a dragonrider was no place for a lady. But it had still disappointed her, hearing it from him. He had been charming and handsome, but for that comment she could have seen them being a good pair. Better then the heir of Igen with her at least. She liked that Asirikai was driven and kind, though she wondered if he was a little filled with airs. Weren’t most men though?

She realized she had been caught in her own thoughts, her eyes following Asirikai. She blinked a few times and turned to her mother to join their conversation, when suddenly she felt a firm grip on her elbow pulling her a little farther away from the rest of the ladies. She looked to see who had hold of her and met gazes with Saelene. “Wha-“ She started out, but the younger woman giggled and put a hand over her mouth and shushed her, pulling her even farther. Vanisha knew what would follow, she had often been the victim to Saelene’s gossip, and it seemed with limited company to occupy her, Isha would be stuck being the receiver of said gossip.

“Guess what-“ Vanisha tried to look interested as Saelene began her tirade, telling her about this mishap or that she had witnessed, personally of course. The conversation was unending, trending topics to quickly that Vanisha couldn’t have gotten a word in even if she wanted to. Suddenly the topic changed again, but a name caught her attention. Degranik. Relaena. Saelene spoke openly of one time overhearing them in the act. The act. How loud they had been, how romantic their passion was. Vanisha felt nausea roiling through her stomach at the thought and tried to banish the image of the man she loved in the act… With another woman. His wife.

“And well they should be loud, what better way of making babies…” Saelene seemed to go on and on about how they were trying to become pregnant. Vanisha felt herself pale, a lump in her throat forming at the torture continually placed upon her by the unknowing or uncaring younger sister of Relaena. Of course they were trying for a baby. It was the natural order of things after marriage. Then why did she feel like she was going to vomit and pass out? She tried to keep her composure. She truly tried. Yet she was starting to feel dizzy, and swayed a little on her feet. Would she fall? Would everyone see?

Zen

[Zen]

No'va

Though he’d been a little torn, because he’d have liked to spend more time with Vitra, No’va reasoned that he could pretty much see her whenever he wanted, while his family was only here for a short time, and they’d come to see him, celebrate with him. So he’d excused himself from his friend’s company and promised to find her later, because he had decided that no, he wasn’t quite ready to just bring her over to meet his family. Even if they were just friends. Considering the look his mother had given him at the gather in Jask when he’d introduced her to Joia, he didn’t need her trying to hint at something with Vitra too. He loved her but shells she could be embarrassing.

As he approached where his family was gathered, his father seemed in some deep conversation with someone important looking, his mother at his side, and he knew better than to interrupt. That’d be a sure way to earn one of his disapproving frowns. Or maybe he would forgive him this one time, because the celebration was technically in his honor, his and his class, anyway, so he should be able to be excited and want to share it with his family, right? But he could already hear his mother’s gentle scolding because being excited, even if it was his big day, was not cause to forget his manners.

Instead his gaze wandered to settle on his sister, his grin widening briefly as he saw her with another girl, until he saw the look on her face. Vanisha was usually so composed, he’d always been kind of jealous of how easily she hid what she was really feeling from everyone. He was an open book basically all the time. He could usually tell when she was faking, but right now there was no need to look too deep. She looked like she was about to be sick. Had she eaten something bad?

His lack of propriety was perhaps a boon in saving his sister from Saelene’s incessant, insensitive ramblings as he headed over and wrapped an arm around her to offer her some support if she felt weak, his voice cheerful when he spoke, genuine, “Isha, I’m so glad you came tonight.” He interrupted Saelene’s drone, the other girl blinking in surprise at him and then giggling softly, at what he didn’t know. Girls were weird sometimes. He grinned at Saelene anyway, “Hope you don’t mind, I haven’t been able to see my sister in a while.”

Selene giggled again, taking on a teasing note, “I suppose I can let you steal her if you promise me a dance later.”

“Uh, sure?” he shrugged, not really sure what that had to do with anything, and she giggled oh yet again, but No’va didn’t wait for her to say anything else before leading his sister away to find her a glass of water. Grabbing one from a table for her, he pressed it into her hands, “Do you want to sit down? You don’t look so good….” His brow furrowed in concern, “If you were sick you didn’t have to come.”

kevna

[kevna]

Vanisha - Daughter of Tidewalk

Support came in the form of an arm wrapping around her, and she turned a somewhat dazed expression on her brother. She gave him a weak smile for his words and nodded. “Met too.” They were the better, and possibly more correct words, if not entirely true. This night had been too much, from seeing Degranik, the bluerider, Asirikai, and now Saelene. She just listened as No’va made their excuses, swallowing what tasted like bile in her mouth.

No’va led her away, and she gave her ‘friend’ a nod in goodbye, unsure of her voice. A glass of water was placed in her hands and she gripped it so tightly her knuckles whitened. “Thank you.” She murmured and it took all of her years of control to slowly bring it to her lips and take a genteel sip, especially when all she wanted to do was gulp it down and use whatever was left over and splash it in her face to wake her up from this strange night.

She shook her head gently when No’va asked her if she wanted to sit, sitting seemed like a vulnerable position, easily beset upon by anyone on them. No. She needed escape. Away. Would it be appropriate to step out, just for a little bit? What would her parents think?

“No, I am… I am thinking I just need some air. Would you escort me out, just for a minute?” She asked, turning her gaze on him with an earnest expression. Fresh air sounded divine for her rumbling stomach. It would also give her a better place to tell No’va what Maz’ru had informed her, without the threat of anyone listening in. Especially their parents.

“Oh, we should probably tell mother…” She almost bit her lip, but instead schooled her face, her eyes casting about for her mother. The last thing she wanted to do was have her mother tell them how rude leaving the party so early would be.

[Zen]

No'va :: Brown Alduntulath

No’va listened to her, trying to determine if she was doing that thing she tended to do where she never said what it was she really wanted, trying to make everyone else around her happy instead. While he admired that in her to an extent, sometimes he wished she’d do more for herself. She deserved to be happy too. So when she said she wanted to step out for a moment, only to backtrack a bit as she seemed to be thinking about how others would feel about the decision, he decidedly didn’t care enough for the both of them.

“It’ll be fine. We can visit Aldy!” he insisted as the idea came to him, “After all, it’s his party too. It would be rude not to include him, wouldn’t it?” He winked at her and grinned. At least that was what he was going to tell their parents if they had any problem with their disappearance. Not that he wasn’t planning on visiting Aldy, so it wasn’t a lie or anything. But he didn’t want his sister to worry about getting in trouble.

He offered his arm to support her if she was still feeling unwell before leading the way out and telling his brown where to meet them, but was careful not to go too fast for Vanisha, watching her for any sign she might need to sit down after all. Outside, Aldy was already waiting for them and No’va reached up with his free hand to rest it briefly on the brown’s lowered muzzle. Alduntulath turned his head to fix one giant whirling eye on them both, Is your clutchmate alright now? No’va chuckled, “She’s not my clutchmate, that’d make us… twins or something. We were born turns apart.” Aldy rumbled thoughtfully at this, I suppose so, but my question goes unanswered. No’va looked over at Vanisha. She seemed a little bit better than before? “Aldy wants to know if you’re feeling any better. My concern made him concerned, I think,” he grinned at her, and half teasing asked, “I saw you dancing earlier. Did you just start feeling ill or were you pushing yourself to be polite?”

kevna

[kevna]

Vanisha – Daughter of Tidewak

She felt uncertain her mother would be so easily swayed, even if No’va’s words made sense. It would be rude not to congratulate the brown. She gave an indulgent smile, ready to give in to him, unwilling to let him down in any way. “Well, alright then, I suppose you are right.” She noted his wink and smile, thinking even as she accepted his arm and allowed him to lead her out of the suffocating room that No’va was growing up, and could very well begin breaking hearts if he wasn’t careful. The more distance placed between that room and her, the better she felt, and though the nausea also dissipated somewhat, the slight queasy feeling remained rooted in her stomach every time she thought of Degranik.

They reached the outdoors and came face to face with Alduntulath, a pleasant distraction from her thoughts. No’va’s words seemed so out of the blue, and she looked between the two, a small, amused smile touching her lips. No’va’s attention strayed to her, his words more question than anything. “You do have a large heart-both of you.” She was speaking first to her brother, then included the brown, nodding to her brother’s bonded in thanks. “I’m feeling much better-I think I was just a little overwhelmed by the night.” She offered, thinking how she could broach the subject she really wanted to talk about. His teasing gave her the opening she needed, though bold was not her forte so she didn’t take it, at least not openly. “No, not just polite, the dancing was… interesting… The illness was more from Sareana, she can be very… descriptive in her statements. Actually… Would you tell me how you were searched No’va? Did… Did you feel anything?” It was still an abrupt change in topic-too abrupt if she had been in anyone else’s company beside No’va’s.

Because she hadn’t felt anything… Wonder and bewilderment aside, she felt the same. Same old Vanisha. Shouldn’t she have felt something at least?

[Zen]

No'va :: Brown Alduntulath

No’va couldn’t help but grin at his sister’s comment about the two of them having big hearts, “I imagine Aldy’s heart is quite large indeed.” He couldn’t help but wonder just how big it really was. It wasn’t like anyone had ever cut open a dragon to find out. Just the thought made him shudder lightly and he quickly left the idea behind to focus on something more pleasant and less morbid. It was easy enough to distract himself when Vanisha explained she had been… overwhelmed? By what? He frowned at her, sure there was plenty more to the explanation, but it seemed like she didn’t want to talk about it or she would have brought it up already, probably? Maybe not, but he liked to think his sister could talk to him about things without worrying about… all the silly things she seemed to worry about all the time.

Her further half explanation of how she had started to feel ill made little more sense to No’va. Had Saelene been describing something gross to his sister? He couldn’t imagine what. Girls didn’t tend to like to talk about gross things, after all. But before he could ask, which was perhaps for the best if the conversation had made his sister feel ill to begin with, Vanisha was asking him about being Searched. To anyone else it might have been a somewhat abrupt subject change but No’va’s own thoughts tended to jump all over the place so he didn’t really think much of it. After all, if he didn’t say or ask a thing fairly immediately as it occurred to him, he tended to just forget it, so it was normal for him to blurt out seemingly unrelated things in quick succession.

He liked remembering the day he was Searched, anyway, so he didn’t mind retelling the story, “I was out and about the Hold with Delvish and Delvirin. Delvish was busy with something, I dunno, so Delvirin and I went to see the green dragon that had landed in the gather square. We started a game up to see who was brave enough to get closest, which I won of course. But then the green turned and looked at me and she talked….” He looked up at Aldy as he remembered the first time a dragon had spoken to him, then finished off in a bit of a rush because it was hardly exciting, “And then Delvish got mad I was bothering the dragon but then her rider said the green thought I could be a rider too.” Had he felt anything? He shrugged, “I was excited mostly, though I didn’t think father would let me go because he hates Tidewalk Weyr so much…. But I guess since the rider wasn’t from Tidewalk he didn’t get mad about it. I don’t really think there was much else to feel?” He wasn’t sure why she had asked such a weird question.

“Delvirin was Searched too, did he tell you? Delvish wouldn’t let him go, though, because heirs or something dumb,” he waved his hand dismissively at that and grinned over at her, “So I guess it runs in the family.” He sighed lightly, “I wish he could have come. We could both be riders now… but I told him one day he’d be Lord of Tidewalk and I’d be Weyrleader of Mavros and we could do whatever we wanted then.” He grinned again and Aldy snorted, teasing, You have a long way to go before you become Weyrleader. No’va shot a quick glare at the brown, but was thankful the words were spoken only to him.

kevna

[kevna]

Vanisha - Daughter of Tidewalk

“I imagine Aldy’s heart is quite large indeed.”

Her smile broadened, but she refrained from the giggling; her mother normally frowned on the non-sensical giggling. Not lady-like indeed, even if No’va’s literal translation of her metaphorical phrasing was funny. He was also still so young. Even if he had grown up. Unless... Was he teasing her? Vanisha looked at him in a new light. 

Her eyebrows rose in shock as No’va described the occurrence, she hadn’t known Delvirin was searched, and she shook her head in the negative. Why hadn’t father mentioned it? Or even Delvirin? And what about her? When would she ever get to do what she wanted? Never. A lady of any Holding would never get freedom. Never be able to go for a ride just because she wanted to. Never be able to just go for a swim. So many nevers circled through her mind and provided her the courage she needed, even if it was brief.

“Maz’ru… Well, his blue Quilath… They told me I could be a candidate. That I had… potential. For candidacy.” They hadn’t directly said she could be a rider as No’va relayed they had for him, only that she had the potential for candidacy. Did that hamper her chances? “Father would never let me…” She shook her head, “What would mother think?” Her voice even softer, almost to herself, and she continued to shake her head, doubting her desires, her hands coming up to rub her arms and then dropping, unconsciously aware of what it would look like to another. How could she want something so much and fear it at the same time? What if this was a mistake?

[Zen]

No'va

After all that, No’va was hardly expecting his sister to mention Maz’ru suddenly, though he had seen her dancing with him. But to find out the bluerider and his dragon had Searched her had him grinning with excitement. “You were Searched! That’s great!” If Delvirin couldn’t come be a candidate at Mavros, maybe his sister could instead. It would be nice to have a family member here with him. Not that he needed it or anything, like a homesick child…. He shook his head slightly to shake those defensive thoughts away. No one was even accusing him of that but himself. And Vanisha was talking about their father… oh. A frown pulled at his lips for a moment as he considered that.

“Do you want to be a candidate?” he asked her seriously, “I didn’t think father would let me either, but… he just wants us to be happy, you know? If it’s something you really want, if you just told him, I bet he’d let you.” And in remembering his own conversation with their father over it, he added, “At least… if you gave him a good reason. And once you’ve got father on your side he can do all the work of convincing mother.” He grinned then, “That’d be the real hard part I think, but he talked her into letting me stay when I got hurt during the first Hatching too. I bet he can talk her into anything. Especially now that they see how happy I am here? You could be happy here with me!” Their father tended toward logic and reason, but where her children were concerned their mother was, well… she led with her emotions a lot of the time, it didn’t matter how much sense you might make. At least that’s how it was with No’va, maybe because he was the youngest or something.

He laughed happily, “I guess it really does run in families… I wonder if mother or father was ever Searched. I never really thought to ask before.” But if they had been, then why would they turn it down? He couldn’t even imagine. And could any of their other siblings have been Searched? Not that it really mattered now, not for most of them anyway. Reldiwan was the only one young enough for candidacy and he’d gone off to Eastern before No’va had even been Searched. His father had said he was going to be here tonight, but so far No’va hadn’t seen him, which suited him well enough. Reldiwan had spent most of their time together teasing him for various things, in various ways. He wasn’t terribly fun to be around. He sure hoped Reldiwan didn’t get Searched.

kevna

[kevna]

Vanisha

No’va’s sudden excited outcry made her jump ever so slightly, but it also knocked her out of the mental spiral she had started down when it came to her parent’s reaction to the news. If she told them. Should she tell them? If the odds were she couldn’t have it anyway, why bring it up? Especially if her interest was looked down upon, disappointing.

Again her brother brought her from a spiral, and she looked at him at his serious tone. She did. She just didn’t know if she wanted it more than avoiding the possibility to keep her family happy. Keep them out of scandal. Wasn’t it scandalous to have a daughter become a rider? No’va was sharing his own experience with their parents. She couldn’t help but be impressed by how young he really was still, still naieve. No’va was a man. Vanisha was a woman. Their responsibilities, their freedoms, or lack thereof were completely different. Still… Her parents did want her to be happy. She knew that.

"Especially now that they see how happy I am here? You could be happy here with me!"

She smiled at his words, because she would for sure be making at least one family member very happy if she could convince their parents to allow her to remain at Mavros. “I… I do want to be a candidate. Marriage, family, kids even, they are all things I want just-“ Not with Hasallan, but that was hardly an appropriate thing to share with No’va. As was her pining for a married man. “in time. I want…” It was so strange saying things she wanted, not things she knew people wanted. But it was made easier knowing this was something No’va wanted too. She wasn’t alone in this. “I want to experience the world, and do something courageous, and be free.” She whispered the last word, almost painfully. Free to be me. She blinked in surprise at her words, realizing she had said that last part aloud. She had always been more open with No’va, but there were some things she still kept to herself, even from him. That was one of them. Her confinement was hers to bear. Her responsibility, not her sweet, naïve, energetic, and free brother.

“My life is a wonder, but being with you, trying something new does sound marvelous.” She was trying to save the situation from spiraling. He was just so… happy. And filled with wonder. She allowed herself to share in that wonder as he voiced his curiosity towards it running in families. “Maybe we can ask them. It would be a good way to feel the waters, and talk about my being Searched. That is, if you’ll help me? No one can reach mother better then you.” She sounded more confident than she felt, but she knew it would bolster her brother, make him even happier. He did love a good mission.