To Never Endings & New Beginnings [Closed/Muze]

[kevna]

Riasu – Candidate

She’d gone to the feast out of stubborn pride. No one need know the hurt she sported. The disappointment. The utter ache for her bonded. She hadn’t expected to impress this hatching. There wasn’t a gold on the sands, and while V’than had opened her mind to the possibility of her bonded being something other then a gold, she still felt as if a gold was what she was chosen for. The reason Faranth had given her such a strange gift and curse to hear one and all.

When the gold-green had hatched, part of her had wanted to throw herself before the strange little dragonet, and yet she had hesitated. What did a goldeen even mean for a weyr? Would she clutch? Did she have the ability to command bronzes, and therefore be a Senior queen? There were so many questions, and in the end it hadn’t mattered, because the goldeen hadn’t been hers in the end.

Riasu had always felt the drive to lead. She had the capability as well as her strange ability to hear all dragons, and when D’min had inspired the rebellion against her mother to start standing for hatchings, she had stood specifically for gold eggs. So much assumption, yet it had always felt right. To be Weyrwoman some-day felt natural. So then why was she disappointed? The question kept circling in her head. It wasn’t the goldeen, she was certain. If she assumed that a gold was in her future, then this hatching shouldn’t have hit her so hard.

Seeing Lounessa walking away with her brown… Maybe that’s when it had hit home for her. Lounessa had craved a bronze like Jarath, and she had gotten a beautiful brown instead. She was happy for her niece, truly happy for her-so the disappointment then had to stem from jealousy. She was jealous, because if a gold wasn’t in her future, she wanted the wait to end. Riasu craved the connection her brother had with Jarath. She craved the bond that D’min had with Solith. V’than had Saruth, Lounessa now had Perilaith. Riasu didn’t doubt her bonded was out there, she just wondered when the wait would finally end. Her seemingly never ending wait.

Her ability was a tease. Her ability to hear the dragonets as they claimed each candidate as their own, her ability to hear the voices clamoring inside her mind, but none directed at her. Her mind was full of voices, one sided conversations, and she was utterly alone. She yearned for the personal connection so much her heart ached.

And while so much had changed for many of the candidates she had shared quarters with, life went on unchanged for her. She went to her chores, lessons, and when mid-day meal was upon her, instead of moving toward the dining cavern, Riasu turned towards the weyrs. She desired peace, and while voices bandied in her mind, she didn’t want to be around a sea of vocal voices. She wanted to be alone, or as close to alone as she could get. She climbed up into V’than’s weyr, calling out and finding only Saruth.

Oh, hey big guy. She felt a surge of relief. Quite the hatching yesterday. Did you have a favorite part? She offered up words from her mind, coming into the weyr, and automatically moving to sit with the impressively bulky brown. She didn’t need Saruth to block out the voices of dragons, but it was nice when he did it. I don’t suppose you could just, and she motioned to her head, make it go quiet again? I would really appreciate it if I could just focus on you and me.

tovaana

[tovaana]

V’than :: Brown Saruth

He tossed the red-fruit up a little and caught it, rolling it around thoughtfully in his hand as he walked back to his weyr. Riasu hadn’t impressed. He had gone to the feast to be with her, but he could tell she was feeling off. He was still new at the whole trying-to-read-women thing, but still he seemed to only be able to grasp general emotions. It was sometimes exhausting trying to have a conversation and read emotions- especially with his sister. Somehow in this whole dragon riding fiasco, he’d lost the little girl he taught loops and knots to, to a green rider. He hated thinking like his father, but he saw some sense in keeping girls off the sands, like how he saw the way his sister was struggling and there was nothing he could do to help her… so it was easier to stay away from her, present a gift, try and reconnect with her… but in the long run, he was afraid their bond had been shattered beyond repair.

Every time a green approached the candidates, V’than had been very still – hoping beyond hope that Riasu wouldn’t get a green. She did deserve a gold, or one of the other fighting colors… He didn’t need her on a green to catch her; though he was sure Saruth would chase the green if he asked. Saruth had said as much when V’than had asked about why he didn’t chase. But Riasu hadn’t impressed green, or any other color. V’than wanted Riasu to have everything, he wanted her happy – it pained him when she wasn’t. What happened if Riasu never impressed? He knew she’d wondered the same thing. But V’than had his father’s conversation in his mind’s eye- pressure to marry with Riasu since they were indeed… very together. She spent more time in his weyr than in the candidate barracks, so he wasn't surprised when he heard his dragon greet Riasu. He paused near the entrance between the lower caverns and his weyr, listening mentally to see if he could glean anything. Finally, he quietly entered, red fruit in hand, and watched as she interacted with his dragon. He felt a flash of jealousy, on both sides – that Riasu had some sort of connection with his dragon, and that his dragon liked Riasu so much. It was a silly feeling, so he pushed it aside, watching the two curiously, he could hear his dragon’s voice, but it was a one-sided conversation.

Saruth had watched as Riasu had come in, she was a familiar face, and he greeted her with happy colors in his whirling gaze. Riasu. The dragon spoke in response, he liked Riasu. V’than liked Riasu, and Riasu liked V’than – and she liked Saruth, it seemed. The whole thing was enjoyable. He responded to her question, aware of his rider that had entered. Of course. Especially if it will make conversing with V’than easier. The dragon flared a wing slowly and put it around the woman, it gave the dragon a physical representation of what he did mentally. He imagined the way V’than hugged Riasu, and mentally hugged her mind, it had seemed to do the trick last time, though the memory was foggy – mostly it had just felt right.

The dragon’s large head shifted to indicate his rider when he spoke V’than’s name, letting Riasu know in his own way that they weren’t alone.

V’than wondered what they spoke about. He wished Riasu wouldn’t speak to his dragon like that, though he wasn’t sure why he felt that way. The last part of the conversation especially. Of course what? What would make them conversing easier? His jaw tightened for a brief moment of frustration, but again pushed it aside. Whatever it was, he did want to talk to Riasu…

“Conversing with Riasu is easy enough.” He didn’t use words like ‘conversing’, but he was using the words Saruth had used. He smiled softly, a dimple showing as he did. He walked toward Riasu, opening his arms to offer an embrace, or simply offering his presence. “Hey, lovely woman.” He glanced with playful narrowed eyes at Saruth. “She’s mine, y’hear?” The dragon seemed to miss the humor, eyes whirling thoughtfully as he responded, she’s her own, I think. V’than chuckled, wasn’t that the truth… though he wanted her to be his and only his.

kevna

[kevna]

Riasu - Candidate

It was, wasn’t it? She responded silently, then added, though I think the goldeen was my favorite part. She really surprised us all. She was looking at the brown, so she had missed V’than entering, though Saruth warned her with his words, and his actions. Riasu shifted, seeing V’than around the same time as Saruth’s shield dampened all the broadcasting. It leant her smile a little more brightness in her welcome.

“Conversing with Riasu is easy enough.”

“I don’t know, we seemed to need Saruth from the very beginning.” She teased lightly, enjoying the dimple that had appeared on his cheek. She was tempted to rise from her seated position with Saruth at her back but wasn’t sure how loss of physical contact would affect Saruth’s balm; so instead patted the area next to her, lifting her chin to receive a kiss if he felt so inclined. More and more V’than became familiar to her, and still there was so much she found intriguing. He always had thoughts churning, and she wondered briefly what thoughts she missed, that were never spoken or heard by any other then he himself and his brown.

“Hey there. Either you are getting sneakier, or I was completely distracted.” She said with a chuckle, wondering briefly if V’than had meant to sneak up on her. She mentally shook her head at the thought, reminding herself that this was V’than’s space, and she had invaded first. That did seem to be her superpower though, invading into conversations and spaces. V’than’s next words to Saruth were obviously meant in light, but she felt herself stiffen slightly as the comment struck her chord of rebelliousness. She had already allowed one man to claim her, and she wouldn’t allow herself so easily claimed again. Saruth’s words softened her, and she tried to hide her reaction by lifting up an arm to run her hand lightly along Saruth’s protectively hovering wing.

“I am my own, but you two can always fight over me whenever you want.” Her other hand moved to touch V’than lightly on the arm. “Seems only right, seeing as I’m always invading your space.” She teasingly made a move for the red-fruit he carried, trying to distract him from the move by poking him in the side with her other hand.

[tovaana]

V’than :: Brown Saruth

V’than nodded, hanging his head a little in mock defeat – that was true, Saruth had somehow unwittingly been the catalyst between the two. His hands fell to his sides and he came in to sit next to Riasu, giving her a lingering kiss on her cheek as he came down. He let his hand stay on her chin for a moment, before letting it fall away and letting him rest next to the woman, wrapping an arm around her.

He eyed her thoughtfully. “Well, it felt like I was interrupting something.” He said, “so I might have entered quieter than usual…” He looked down into her face, letting him get distracted by the beauty he found there. He felt her tense under his touch and subconsciously relaxed his arm around her – though he didn’t make a connection between his words and the reaction, not consciously. While his actions offered freedom, he felt a wave of possessiveness, though he couldn’t pinpoint why.

The burly man was distracted though by her words and the move she made for his red fruit that he’d forgotten about. The hand with the fruit moved automatically out of her reach, but it was a distraction from the poke she attacked with next. His body jerked in reaction and he let himself crumple toward her dramatically with dead weight into her lap. “Ahhh, she got me Saruth… everything is fading…”

Saruth watched with curious whirling eyes. You look fine to me. And V’than couldn’t help but snort a little, and he sighed. ‘Stop ruining my fun.’ He poked his brown playfully within his mind, Riasu couldn't hear his own words to his dragon, right? Ohhh, it is play. Okay. V’than shook with silent chuckling, inwardly groaning at his dragon. Muze and he used to play when they were younger, but Riasu pulled out a playful part of him that felt young. It was nice. They fit, and it just felt right. He wondered if she felt the same about him... of course she did, she wouldn't spend so much time with him otherwise, right?

kevna

[kevna]

Riasu – Candidate

She felt the warmth on her cheek and then he came to rest beside her, slinging an arm around her.

“Well, it felt like I was interrupting something, so I might have entered quieter than usual…”

She tilted her head, considering. Had she ever told him what Saruth could do? “Well, Saruth was just helping to alleviate my headache, with a side of conversation. Not much of an interruption, huh Saruth?” Though she had been looking forward to a quiet moment with the quiet dragon, V’than had been a balm to her since her brother and she had quit talking so much. So she leaned into him, enjoying his warmth. Maybe the position itself, along with the comment hadn’t helped when his comment about her being his had caused her to stiffen.

Her executed maneuver was successful, only in the fact that her poke hit home, even if her hand missed the fruit; she laughed when V’than responded in kind to her playfulness, collapsing into her lap, and one of her hands fell into his hair, feeling the softness. “My evil plan worked.” She cackled, throwing back her head. Saruth seemed confused, and Riasu leaned her back more heavily into the brown to comfort him, though he seemed to get the idea soon enough. She looked at V’than, wondering if he had had to explain it to the large dragon, and what else she could have missed. It was rude to listen in, but with the clarity the brown provided when placing the dampening affect over her brain, it was near impossible not to listen in.

“Yes, it’s all fun and games until someone eats the other someone’s redfruit.” She teased, grabbing the now easily accessible redfruit hanging limply in his hand. She took a quick bite, and held the fruit protectively. “It’s mine now.” And stuck her tongue out at him.

[tovaana]

V’than :: Brown Saruth

Alleviate headaches? He would assume she meant his soothing presence, but she added conversation on top of helping her headaches… The thought dispersed with their fun and it got buried in the crevices of his memories.

“Ahh, well, what’s mine is yours.” He sighed a bit dramatically, but there was something pleasing about her taking the red fruit, as if he had somehow provided her with the food. He wanted her to have the red fruit, he wanted to give her everything - anything. He watched her and he started to grin. A hand came up to cup her face, his rough fingers tracing her jawline.

“Mmm, you’re making me hungry.” And with a little shift, he propped himself up and took a playful bite of her shoulder. He let go and spoke into her shoulder, speaking quietly, forgetting completely they were in Saruth’s presence, which wasn’t hard to do really.

“You know, I have this scented lotion… I could give you a message… let me distract you?” He sat to the side of her, facing her still, a hand gripping her hip posessively.


kevna

[kevna]

Riasu – Candidate

She was half hoping he would fight over the redfruit, though he wasn’t one to act aggressively, unless in bed. She blinked a little at the direction of her own thoughts, and was pleasantly surprised when suddenly his calloused fingers traced her jaw. Perhaps he had read the line of her own thoughts. She quickly turned her lips into his fingers, and he returned by playfully biting her shoulder. She really liked where this was going. She let out a pleased sound, and murmured, “Well, I think I could be convinced,” Her voice was low, sultry. She leaned closer to him, feeling the heat in his hand and shivering before snaking an arm around his shoulder, letting her hand creep up his neck and into his bun. With practiced fingers she sought to free his hair from the leather cord. She liked his long hair, and she especially liked it down when in bed together.

[tovaana]

V’than :: Brown Saruth

Her touch elicited his own sounds and he had to hold himself back from diving into their love – because he wanted this to be special. It was incredibly difficult when he felt his hair slither from its hold and around his face and shoulders- she’d quite literally ‘undone’ him. He first took a deep breath and then let out a little growl as he shifted, scooped her up, and walked her to his bed. He needed a bigger bed, especially with how often he had Riasu with him. He deposited her gently, kissing her and untangling himself quickly to not get pulled in again.

He peeled his shirt off as he walked away and grabbed the container of lotion that he had picked up from the last gather. The brownrider returned quickly, pouncing his love – yes… he did love her. And started working on her muscles with the lotion, starting at her feet and ankles and working his way up.

--- fade to black ---

-- time skip past the evening, past the night, into the morning --

V’than was propped up on his side, looking down on Riasu. Sometimes she’d sleep in cute positions, her hair everywhere – right then though, it was too picture perfect. He chewed on the inside of his lip, thinking of her always waking up like this, thinking of his father and the talk they had had… His father should not be part of his relationship, he knew that… but if they were going to be together forever anyways – if there was going to be no end, maybe Riasu wouldn’t mind getting married. With the hand that wasn’t propping himself up, he played with one of her curls, wishing he could freeze the moment forever, wishing he didn’t have to get up.

[kevna]

Riasu – Candidate

She woke slowly, voices filling her head first, not unlike dreams, but more disjointed. Sensations were the next awareness that pulled her slowly back into the world of wakefulness. She could feel V’than playing with her hair, feel the heat of his body close to hers. She smiled and opened her eyes, her wall that blocked the voices of dragons slamming down in her head even as her brown eyes opened. “Good mornin.” She said softly, stretching, inviting a morning kiss from him as she tilted her chin.

She noted the light filtering in and calculated the time. Early still, but not as early as she was used to waking up. “Shards, it’s getting late.” She muttered unhappily. She could lay there, basking in his heat forever. Riasu enjoyed V’than’s warmth and comfort too much, and the block the Saruth could give her; having one or the other in effect generally had her sleeping longer than she liked. She had a shift later this morning in the infirmary, and she should get her morning run in beforehand. Still… She should have time for a light breakfast, and she’d need V’than and Saruth to give her a ride between. “You wore me out last night.” The woman teased, propping up on her elbows as she considered getting up.

“We could go to breakfast together, and would you pop us between on the way?” It was a bit of a sore spot for her, thinking she still needed to ask for assistance in that area. Someday things would change, just… not anytime soon it would seem.

[tovaana]

V’than :: Brown Saruth

As she shifted and awoke, the way she moved – it was beautiful. His body tensed, an arm wrapping around her and taking the kiss she suggested and trying to steal a little more than suggested.

He simply grunted at her comment about the time in the morning, it was hard to think anything else was important when she was in bed with him. He grunted again, this time less dismissal and more with desire. He went back to her original comment. “It’s not that late.” There was a note of pleading in his voice as his hands on her asked the question.

At her suggestion of breakfast he felt the bitterness in the suggestion of going between, but the bitter for V’than for a completely different reason. He shifted reluctantly so that he was propped up in the bed facing her, but with little space between them. This time the free hand went up to her face and he felt gutted and suddenly nervous – if he was rejected, would it mean the end? His eyebrows pushed together for a moment. He was quiet, not answering her for a long moment, looking down and then back up at her.

“Have you ever considered not going between?” He swallowed dryly, his eyes searching hers intensely. He was not doing this for his father, he kept reminding himself, this was for himself.

[kevna]

Riasu - Candidate

She could have let things go further then a kiss, but the filtering light was more persistent in getting her up and out, and she pulled away gently, and reluctantly. She conveyed the reluctance with teasing, wishing she could dally with him, but feeling the itch to get up and go at the same time.

“It’s not that late.”

Her teasing had worked, if a little to well, and she chuckled, shaking her head. “Late enough. I have a shift starting midmorning, and I need to get my run in beforehand.” She needed to stay physically fit, she needed to be the best she that she could be if she were to attract a bondmate. Like attracted to like generally when it came to dragons and their bondmates, she saw that well enough in Saruth and V’than, as well as her brother and his bonded.

After her about going between and breakfast, V’than shifted, cupping her face in one large, warm hand. For some reason her stomach suddenly had butterflies, and the silence seemed to last an eternity. Suddenly his warm hand didn’t feel as comforting, almost confining. She had never felt that way around V’than.

“Have you ever considered not going between?”

Her eyebrows rose in surprise. Where… where had that come from? She racked her brain, but was coming up empty. Had they gotten to serious too fast? She thought he had understood her. He knew about her ability, didn’t he understand her utter, complete, desire for a dragon? His gaze was intense, but she didn’t break contact.

“Someday. But I’m not ready for that stage of life, V’than.” She gently pulled away from his hand, shifting so she wasn't below him, suddenly feeling the position too vulnerable. “I want a bonded. My whole life, my dream has always been to have a dragon.” She tried to keep her voice gentle, though she felt irritation rising in her. He had a dragon! He had to understand.

[tovaana]

V’than :: Brown Saruth

He tried not to make his swallow prevalent as shock swept her beautiful features. Her words, her pulling away from him, made him want to reach out and stop her, but he also felt guilt. No, he hadn’t forgotten that desire of hers. He had done this backwards, and it was stupid of him.

Saruth shifted uneasily from where he was sunning himself, feeling the tension – but unable to grasp why his rider wasn’t at ease. He wasn’t sure what to offer and it left him alert, but their words weren’t helping him – he didn’t understand human affairs, especially between those of romance.

V’than could feel his dragon’s alertness like a tension in his mind and he tried not to be distracted from Riasu. “Yes… I mean no – I mean…” He sighed, bowing his head and messaging it, as if he could rub the stupidity from what he was trying to say. “You’re right,” and he looked up, meeting her gaze. “That came out wrong… and a little backwards too. I just… I just enjoy thinking about our future together, you know – with a family.” He took another breath, trying to ease the trembling of nervousness in his chest as he tried again. “So, I know people in the weyr… they don’t usually… I mean…” V’than swallowed the irritated noise he was about to make and looked at Riasu to remind himself that this was for them. He took the hand not propping him up and gently took hers, messaging it. “Would you marry me?”

[kevna]

Riasu – Candidate

He was fumbling with words, and it was increasing her tension. He did or he didn’t understand? She felt her jaw relax a bit when he admitted she was right. That had seemed obvious to her, so it was good that he agreed, at least in this part, but there was still something in his face that told her this turn in him hadn’t completed it’s course. Backwards? He thought about their future as a family? She blinked, considering. She hadn’t thought much of their future family… She was so focused on her candidacy and gaining her bondmate, her work in the infirmary, and spending time with V’than and Saruth she hadn’t had much more time to consider what else her future had in store for them. Of course she wanted children… eventually. And it wasn’t that she hadn’t considered how cute their babies might be. But there had never been an actual visual of a future because of her focus on the present.

She waited for him to finish his thought, she could almost feel the nerves as he sought for words. He seemed irritated that finding words was so difficult, but that’s how she was feeling herself. He took her hand, and she didn’t like how it suddenly felt confining again.

“Would you marry me?”

"Oh." She blinked, wracking her brain. Where had this come from? Had this been slowly building and she hadn’t even noticed??? Her mind pinpointed on their visit home, how his father and pulled him aside… Was he ashamed of her? She had known he wasn’t from the weyr, but she thought that she had been clear about her preferences.

“Why?” She asked confused, she could still feel the irritation rising in her, though there was guilt as well moderating her. She took her free hand, and it was her turn to rub her forehead. “I mean, where is this coming from? Is this about your family? I thought… I thought things were going well the way we were doing them. Is this about feeling ashamed of the weyr’s ways?” She hadn’t imagined marriage ever, it had never been in the equation for her. “I’m weyrborn, marriage has never been a consideration for me, it's not in my blood.” [If he’s holding her hand still, she pulls it gently away.]

[tovaana]

V’than :: Brown Saruth

Oh? Sadness crept into his thoughts – but sadness was weak, so it boughed over for a stronger anger that simmered instead. Oh? Why? He tried to remind himself, tried to keep the sadness and anger from drowning out his logical thoughts that he had known they’d face - like her being Weyr born. But couldn’t she see it from his view? Oh? Why? He grew up with hard work fishing, building, watching his mother and father working together as a unit – though neither had been perfect, they’d made it work.

“What?” His family, no, he repeated firmly in his mind, it wasn't because of his family, and then, “No, it’s for me, for us. And it is going well.” He tried to shoo the anger away, squeezing her hand gently and longingly. “It’s going so well, that I thought…” Not in her blood? Ashamed of doing things the Weyr ways? Sadness rushed in, but it was quickly engulfed by anger when she tugged her hand away from his. At first he held on, but had a flash from a memory of his father’s too-firm hands and let go, his shoulders melting in slight defeat.

“No… I’m not ashamed…” He’d never been good with words, how could he convey what he was feeling? “I just thought you might consider it… since it is in my blood.” His heart would always belong to both sea and air, but he didn’t know how to say that, it was just a feeling.

And suddenly he didn’t want to be with his feelings, they were too much for him, and there was no way in between he was going to cry for her, or beg for her. He’d done that before and it hadn’t worked with a holder, why would it work on her Weyr blood any better? He rolled away and started getting dressed quietly, “I guess this was a mistake, then, right?” He was somber, apathy was a lot easier than anything else in the moment, but his eyes sought hers, hoping she would argue with him and tell him it hadn’t been a mistake. That maybe the only mistake was bringing up marriage… but could he live in a relationship that never led to marriage? Living in a limbo without that promise? It didn’t matter anyways, not if she thought it was a mistake.

[kevna]

Riasu – Candidate

It was going so well, he thought what? That they needed a piece of paper to tell everyone that it was going so well? Her mind was a whirl of thoughts as she considered his meaning, his words, what could be driving this. It was in his blood? She couldn’t understand why this was such a big deal to him. Was this… marriage, something she could partake in for him? Something in her quailed at the thought, and V’than’s sister came to mind. Her struggles in the Hold life. The way women were treated and viewed. Why was marriage necessary to V’than? Couldn’t their love be a strong enough bond? Why did they have to bring Holder ways into it? Holders were hidebound, they held women back, and in marriage the woman was subject to her husband, not partners like weyrmates were. Weyrmates didn’t need a piece of paper telling them meaningless things.

The way he rolled away, “I guess this was a mistake, then, right?” His voice emotionless… Another voice, this one was angry and hard echoed V’than’s words within the depths of her mind, “What are we doing?” D’min’s voice. “I’m just sick and tired of you not listening to me. You think you know what’s best, but you don’t.” She flinched, shutting out the echo, her eyebrows descending in anger. “A mistake?” She asked low, her voice brimming with anger. “Because we don’t agree? One argument, no disagreement, and you’re willing to throw it all out?” She laughed, but her laugh was brittle. She hadn’t thought V’than so like D’min until this moment. If he didn’t like that she was her own woman, then he was the deadglow, not she.

“This isn’t about us.” She got up and joined him in dressing, then looked at him, narrowed eyes, jaw tight. “This is about you.” Who was she talking to? D’min? Or V’than? The memory seemed to be colliding in. “If it were about us, we’d work it through. No. This is about you. I didn’t immediately agree with you, submit myself to you and agree to marriage where I would submit myself to you for the rest of my life. That’s what good little holder wives do, isn’t it? You think a piece of paper will change things between us, change me? Weyrmates are partners. Equal. So yeah. This was a mistake, my mistake, one I seemed to have made, again.”

She shoved Saruth’s shield from her mind like a web from a branch, letting the flood of voices drown out everything, letting it pound her head as she turned from V’than, moving to leave without any desire to speak to V’than any more. Partners would work it out. Partners could have come up with a compromise. They hadn’t been partners. She had done it again.

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