Worried Sick [A'zael/Srunae]

[Zen]

10th Pass, 5th Turn, 4th Month

A'zael :: Bronze Fath

After asking Fath to check with Danovelith on Srunae's condition for what seemed the hundredth time, he wondered briefly if he had managed to annoy his dragon yet. However, Fath seemed as happy as ever to comply. After all he got to talk to Danovelith, and there wasn't anything not to like about that. He'd hardly managed to sleep after returning to his weyr, leaving Srunae behind in the care of the healers. Not knowing what had happened, if it might happen again, just how serious it might be... it kept him awake most of the night.

He left for morning drills feeling exhausted, but at least the drills gave him something to focus on other than Srunae. Then there was the meeting with the other wingleaders and wingseconds, and the dragonhealer Zenelle, about the next Threadfall that was fast approaching. It had to be determined what dragons would be well enough to move back to the fighting wings from the Queen's Wing by the time Thread was due and which needed more time, and how they were going to fill those spaces, and arguments about letting the high endurance Blues and Greens try flying longer that tried his patience to its limits.

X'ar insisted that Blues and Greens were entirely incapable of such a feat and that it was irresponsible and reckless and he wasn't about to allow it in HIS Wing and G'brel agreed with him though B'rax gave his wingsecond a look that quickly silenced his dissent. Ki'var seemed unsure and didn't seem to want to pick sides and Zenelle attempted to reassure the Weyrsecond that as long as the practice was implemented slowly the Greens and Blues could surely handle it, which didn't go over well with the older Bronzerider, who apparently didn't appreciate being contradicted by a Greenrider.

A'zael was rubbing his temples when Fath's presence in his mind excitedly announced that Danovelith had told him Hers was awake. The urge to walk out and leave this petty conflict behind to see her was nearly overwhelming. Finally he announced that HIS Wing would be the only one to fly Blues and Green longer during this next Fall, as a test run, and that the other wingleaders should proceed as usual, which seemed to satisfy X'ar to some extent.

Since naming X'ar his Weyrsecond, he had found that he often disagreed with the older bronzerider, but he generally didn't think that was entirely a bad thing. They still got along well enough, X'ar just wasn't the type to get into heated arguments, making his points calmly, and the older man's experience and vastly different opinions made A'zael see things from a point of view he never would have otherwise. It helped him take into account those in the Weyr who might think more similarly to X'ar when he was making decisions, and how best to bring about a compromise that might not upset them as much as it could.

Bringing the meeting to a close, he dismissed everyone and saw them out before rushing to his weyr ledge and calling for Fath. The bronze was enjoying a leisurely flight and was soon landing. As A'zael climbed up to Fath's back, he asked his dragon if Srunae was still in the infirmary, if she was getting more rest. After a pause, Fath informed him that she was back in her own weyr and quickly took off before his rider even gave him the order, eager to see Danovelith. Landing on the ledge that belonged to the two young queens, Fath reached out for the Gold, A'zaelmineandIarehere! He waited impatiently for A'zael to dismount, settling himself on the ledge.

A'zael made his way inside quickly, nearly calling out for Srunae but afraid it might disturb her. Then again, if she was back in her own weyr, she couldn't be terribly sick, right? This was a good sign, surely. The healers would have kept her in the infirmary if it was something serious. Yes. That made sense. “Srunae?”

[Rhush]

Srunae :: Gold Danovelith

Srunae was, for once, alone in her shared weyr – the beastcrafter’s excused leave for her trip to the infirmary meant her roommate Melana and her dragon, Danovelith’s golden sister Sularenth, were in weyrling class for several more candlemarks. Danovelith was sleepily curled up inside the ledge entrance, the dragon’s thoughts little more than a placid pool, a calm mirror of comfort and relaxation now that her beloved had been freed from that dreadful place and was home safely. Srunae smiled to herself, leaning over a large leatherbound tome in her lap, her long dark brown hair cascading down her left side as if a curtain of safety from prying eyes. She was dressed down to a comfortable tunic that loosely hung around her slender frame and a pair of soft, warm pants to combat the cool air that sometimes blew in from the ledge and into her open-air weyr. When it was particularly cold, Danovelith would sleep directly across the opening into her side of the weyr, blocking out the chill so Srunae wouldn’t need quite as many blankets to avoid exposure.

Around her part of the weyr were piles of books of all kinds – compendiums of non-draconic animals native to the island and to Pern as a whole, topped with the “Ancient Creatures” book that spoke of Gemgliders, sheafs of supply and inventory calculations, copies of tithe registers and other mathematical affixes, a series of dragonhealing, dragon anatomy, and dragon oriented books, and others, each loosely organized by type and then by section. The one she was poring over, however, was a worn out old book that had nothing to do with any of the stacks of tomes; it was titled “Medical Maladies” and detailed a number of human issues and illnesses that Healers had compiled over the years. To her left was a second worn down old book, this one titled “HADs and Others”, which covered a number of strange and mostly unconfirmed abilities that had cropped up over the years, including the famous HADs, or those who could hear all dragons. The book was so fantastical that Srunae had only borrowed it as a last ditch effort, should she not be able to find something more concrete in the much larger and more proven “Medical Maladies” that would explain her weird... fainting spell, among other strange and unusual happenings that she simply couldn’t explain.

For example, while she was listening to A’zael play in the lower caverns, she kept getting these weird feelings – feelings that, though plausible for the situation, had nothing to do with what she was feeling. Jealousy, anger, resentment; why would she have felt that way when she was watching her favorite bronzer play? She had no need to feel jealous of his Gitar skills, as she was well aware she couldn’t play it at all and had picked up the flute as a result. There was no need to resent the man, as he had been practicing of his own accord following her suggestion he needed some sort of hobby. Why would she resent him for deciding her advice had been good? And anger? That had no place in that situation, unless it was directed at someone else – and while she had been vaguely irritated by the swooning women who crowded around them, she wasn’t angry with any of them. But she knew, she had known, that some of those other women were jealous of Srunae getting so much of A’zael’s attention, or even that she had impressed gold. She knew that some of the other people there had resented her – the whispering and snide comments had made that clear enough. And, in that same vein, there was one or two among them who seemed a touch angry, though they visibly appeared more jealous than angry.

And later on, in the more private situation that had led to her fainting – she had been feeling these weird strings of emotion that had nothing to do with her. Concern, for example, had curled into her shortly after A’zael kissed her the first time. Why would she have felt concerned? She had been absolutely elated that her favorite bronzer had kissed her! But... she knew A’zael had been feeling anxious – he had even asked for confirmation about if his kissing her was okay. And then all that weirdness where she felt the emotions in each word of his sentences…

Maybe she had some weird emotion-type version of synesthesia? Or maybe she was mildly schizophrenic, and only felt her other personalities’ emotions off and on instead of completely swapping personas? She paused and rubbed her face for a moment, trying to remain calm and collected for Danovelith’s sake. It didn’t matter, however, as Danovelith raised her glittering golden head and yawned delicately. Fath and Fath’s are here... She supplied gently, turning her whirling blue gaze onto the large bronze body that now blocked her sunlight. Hello Fath, darling. The gold said, wrapping the bronze in a sense of greeting and sleepy happiness. Srunae's heart fluttered instantly and she blinked in surprise, looking up from her book and down the tunnel to their shared ledge as A’zael called out her name.

”A’zael? Ah—“ She hefted the big book off of her lap and slid to the edge of her bed, unclad feet dangling over the cold stone floor. ”Are you alright? I was worried you might’ve hurt yourself dealing with...” She smiled sheepishly at the bronzerider and gestured to herself. ”Err... what happened last night.” For all she knew he had fallen out of the hotpool while trying to get her out. She chuckled wanly and futilely tried to will away the crazy number of books she had amassed in her time at Mavros. She probably looked a bit silly, sitting on her bed surrounded by piles of books and papers.

[Zen]

A'zael :: Bronze Fath

Fath sent waves of affection back at the Gold in return, shifting out of the way so she could return to enjoying the sunlight and settling down beside her. She seemed tired, so he tried not to let the stream of words whirling about his head escape him, happy enough simply to be in her presence. Hellohello, he offered instead, warmth and adoration radiating from the simple greeting.

A'zael was instantly relieved to hear Srunae's voice, to see her awake and well. He breathed his first easy breath since she had collapsed against him last night, a tightness in his chest that he hadn't even been aware of, easing away. He made his way closer, trying to get a better look at her. She had been so pale when she'd fainted.... Her coloring looked much better now, from what he could tell. He leaned down without a care for her personal space, reaching out to tilt her chin up toward him so he could get a better look. Thank Faranth. She looked better even upon closer inspection.

He could only laugh when she asked him if he was all right. He wasn't the one that had fainted. “I'm fine. Tired... but fine. Better, now that I know you're all right...,” he brushed his thumb over her cheek reflexively before releasing her. He supposed he may yet develop a chill from flying wet and half naked, but no symptoms had shown up yet today so he figured he might be in the clear there. It wasn't something she needed to worry about anyway. He ran his hand through his hair, “So... what... what did they say it was, anyway? Nothing serious, I assume?” It couldn't be, she wouldn't be here if it was serious, but he'd rather like to hear confirmation on that point. Trying to shake off the rest of his worry, he grinned down at her, “Have to say that was a first for me... never had a girl faint for simply being around me too long. I knew you couldn't handle me.”

He glanced around her then, taking in all the books she had amassed. He'd never had much patience for reading. It's not that he didn't enjoy learning, but sitting still that long just... didn't work for him, and he didn't have a good retention rate for things he'd read either. He needed actions or songs to remember things. Just one of the many reasons he'd never actually pursued Harperdom he supposed; there was much more to being a Harper than music. He raised an eyebrow at her curiously, “Looking for something in particular?”

[Rhush]

Srunae :: Gold Danovelith

Danovelith smiled, a bright warmth radiating as sunshafts through the dark clouds of sleepiness that rolled above her mindvoice, and she settled against the bronze after he became comfortable. Ah, I'm sorry I am not more alert love, began the gold as she attempted to stifle another soft yawn. I didn't sleep very much last night while my Srunae was in the infirmary. The dragon trained her whirling gaze upon Fath's own and thoughtfully cocked her head to one side. Did you enjoy the sunrise this morning? I found it quite lovely, though she hadn't been able to watch it alongside Fath, Danovelith had been awake to see the bursts of gold and red that streamed across the dark blue sky as the sun crested the horizon; the young queen liked to think that they had been watching it together, despite being apart.

Srunae couldn't stop the light blush that crept over her cheeks as A'zael tilted her chin upward, seeming to inspect her face for a moment or two. The bronzer's answer to her inquiry left the weyrling wondering as much as it made her blush darker, and worry flickered across her face as he brushed his thumb over her cheek and pulled away. She had a feeling he wasn't quite as okay as he tried to make himself out to be - and his next question gave her an inkling of why. The man was still quite worried about her, so much so that he couldn't seem to shake the anxious edge to his voice, even in a little of his typical banter. Srunae stuck her tongue out at A'zael all the same in response to his needling, however.

"Oh, no, nothing bad. They told me it was heat exhaustion." She said matter-of-factly, trying to look unbothered by the diagnosis. "Just too much heat for too long," Srunae let her gaze rove A'zael's form for a moment before she continued. "Though it seemed to me you were the one suffering from the heat, not me." A'zael had, after all, been the one that was having the major difficulties keeping himself in check, that was why he'd been in the process of looking for a reason to... move forward before things went haywire. The goldweyrling chuckled lightly and leaned back on her left arm, waving her right dismissively.

And then A'zael seemed to at last take notice of her personal library. "I uh... well..." She smiled sheepishly and gestured to the stacks of books, "Those I've just kind of amassed since I've gotten here. Animal books, mathematical practice sheets for goldweyrling lessons, dragonhealing and dragon books..." She turned her attention to the books on her bed and shook her head, sighing with a wry smile. "These two, well... they're because I'm losing my mind and I want to know why." She shrugged, turning her free hand palm up and looked back up at the Weyrleader. "So yes, I suppose I am looking for something in particular." The beastcrafter chuckled wryly and looked away, suddenly finding it difficult to keep eye contact with her favorite bronzer. There wasn't anything wrong with her, according to the healers... but she just wanted to be sure that they weren't... wrong. That she wasn't... wrong. Or crazy.

Though she probably was crazy no matter what.

[Zen]

A'zael :: Bronze Fath

Letting out a soft croon of reassurance, Fath tried to make sure she knew he didn't mind at all. Nono, it'sokay. Justlikebeingwithyou. Laying around doing nothing generally got boring rather quickly for the excitable Bronze, but if he was spending time with Danovelith, well... it didn't seem to matter so much. His tail swished happily as she asked him about the sunrise. Yesyes! Prettycolorsunrise, verypretty. Tomorrow wewatchtogether?

Srunae's blush certainly hid any paleness that might have remained in her face, but she was well enough to strike back when he teased her, so that was a good sign. Heat exhaustion? That might have made sense if they'd been at the hotpool for longer.... Had she been doing a lot of physical activity beforehand? Whatever, he trusted the healers knew what they were talking about. It wasn't like he would know any better. Then she suggested that he had been the one suffering from the heat.

He couldn't really deny it. Things between them had been heating up rather quickly, after all. He tried not to think about it right at the moment. She might be fine now, but it hardly seemed a good time to... continue where they'd left off. So he let the subject drop without pushing back, listening instead as she spoke of her book collection. He shook his head as she mentioned mathematical practice sheets. Figures were something else he had little patience for. He wondered how many girls aspiring to ride Golds understood just how much work came along with the honor. Likely very few, just as boys had no idea how difficult being Weyrleader really was. At least as a Bronzerider you had a decent chance at being just a normal wingrider. Goldriders... didn't have that luxury.

He nearly said something about it, but then she so nonchalantly told him that she was losing her mind and all he could do was stare at her for a moment, trying to figure out if she was joking or not. “You... ah... care to elaborate?” He glanced back toward their dragons briefly before settling onto her bed beside her. Did she... really think she was going crazy? How little had he been paying attention to her not to notice something like that? He trained his blue-gray gaze on her, concerned all over again.

He had been wanting to learn more about her. For all the time they had been spending together, there was so much about her he didn't know, and now.... Did she not take him seriously enough to confide in him? No, that... didn't seem quite right. Maybe. More likely... maybe she was like him, and she didn't like to burden others with her problems? He reached over and brushed his hand over hers, “Srunae, you know I'm here for you, right? Whatever else I've got going on... if you need me... all you have to do is say so.” He studied her for a moment, “I feel like this friendship has been... rather onesidedly in my favor, and I wanna change that. So... talk to me.”

[Rhush]

Srunae :: Gold Danovelith

Danovelith washed over the bronze with a wave of gratitude, aware that the usually energetic male wasn’t one to lay around doing nothing. Thank you, Fath. I appreciate it. He was being perfectly gentlemanly about the whole ordeal, however, and Danovelith was absolutely grateful for his patience on the matter. She curled her head down and managed to half-hide the yawn that followed, then shook her head to push the sleepiness away for a bit longer. She hummed softly at Fath’s explanation of the sunrise, and turned her whirling gaze back upon the bronze with a draconic smile. Of course, since we missed our chance this morning. She chuckled wanly, her mindvoice rolling with dry humor. I’ll have to make sure I go to bed early tonight. The golden queen glanced back at her bonded, warm amusement radiating off of her form. Srunae chuckled wanly in the back of her dragon’s mind.

The beastcrafter had no plans to stay up unbearably late tonight, even though she had been sleeping most of the day. The healers had told her to drink lots of water and rest, and that was what she intended on doing – at least, so long as A’zael didn’t keep her awake for too long. Although, as a compromise, the beastcrafter felt that she wouldn’t mind if the bronzerider stayed the night; if only for the comfort of having someone to curl up with. But, she reasoned, the Weyrleader surely had a lot of things on his plate that he needed to see to in the morning – surely all that was more important than acting as moral support to a silly crazy weyrling.

And, to be honest, Srunae herself probably would have plenty to do tomorrow as well, between catching up on the weyrling lessons she missed to the extra goldrider lessons she had missed that day. The woman inwardly balked. While the beastcraft wasn’t terribly bothered by figures or the other mathematical factors of her rank (it wasn’t a far leap from tracking the sales of herdbeasts or canines and calculating the cost of feeding them all to tracking the weyrholds’ inventory of foodstuffs and supplies and calculating what was necessary to retain enough rations) it was tedious nonetheless, and she didn’t really desire dull make up work. However, her lessons kept her busy, distracted her from her personal difficulties, and provided a source of pride for the young woman she had been lacking for the past several turns. It was sort of a double-edged sword, in that regard.

All the more reason to figure out if she was in fact going crazy and how to fix it. The weyr needed her, and she needed to be able to answer its call.

A’zael was staring; his blue-grey eyes were locked on her as he deliberated on how to handle her detached admission to insanity. She could feel it. She blinked in surprise as the bed shifted a bit to accommodate the weyrleader and looked over at A’zael with hesitation written all over her face. Did she care to elaborate? Yes, in fact, she did. It was uncomfortable, to say the least, for the goldweyrling to open up to anyone, even her closest friends and family members; rest assured, she trusted A’zael with her life, but that didn’t mean she trusted the man with her mind. Srunae was well aware her mind had never been quite right; but back then it was a compliment - all the best people were crazy, her mother had always told her. Crazy people thought outside of the box, worked outside the system and always got stuff done as a result. But this… this wasn’t just ‘you have a crazy streak’, this was ‘you’re losing your mind, and it’s scary.’ How could she make him understand she could feel the emotions of other people? Not that she could read them well, no – that she could actually feel their emotions? Srunae looked down at her bed dejectedly and sighed.

Srunae knew A’zael wasn’t going to leave her alone on his own, and as the bronzer’s hand brushed over hers, the weyrling felt his concern and insecurity over the matter; an unwelcome addition to her own anxious feelings. The woman closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She wanted to tell the man he was wrong, that he had helped her more than he realized just by being around, by spending time with her, even if it was mostly her listening and him talking, it didn’t matter. Srunae was never a talker, never one who initiated conversation or upheld small talk. She was a true introvert, and all she had wanted in this new weyr was to find someone she felt comfortable with, could go to for a chance to relax and be herself - and he had filled that role without even recognizing it. She wanted to tell him he was her closest friend, her source of joy, her rock in the storm and… and... she didn’t. Not entirely anyway.

"You’re wrong, you know. It’s not one-sided..." Srunae said, glancing over at him with gloomy but determined hazel eyes. "But... ahh, how do I explain this…?" The weyrling rubbed at the back of her head with her free hand, leaning on the other before gesturing vaguely. "I... feel things. Well, not things, people..." She flopped backwards onto her bed and covered her face with her hands, frustrated at her inability to explain. "Not like, physically, but emotionally... like..." The beastcrafter struggled for an example, running through the times she had felt… weird. Odd things that didn’t fit what she was feeling. The weyrling rubbed her face and then removed her hands to gesture – it was not uncommon for her to talk with her hands, but her gesturing was a bit unnatural, even for her usual habits.

"Like when you were playing the gitar in the lower caverns, remember? All those people…" Srunae could feel tears trying to push themselves forward, and she blinked them back, taking another deep, calming breath before continuing. "They were jealous, disdainful, irritated, cynical... and it was directed at me, the non-native goldrider that was stealing your attention from them; you, the handsome, singing Weyrleader." She couldn’t look at A'zael as her heart leapt into her throat, and so continued to stare at the craggy ceiling above, visualizing her memories of that time. The young woman was being so blunt, but she couldn't help it. "I... I did my best to hide it… how it bothered me... you were so relaxed, so cheery... it helped me stay calm, because I could focus on what I was feeling from you..." She threw her hands up as if to dismiss her words as insanity. "Who else feels the emotions of people they can’t see and know nothing about?!" Her voice was incredulous, condescending. "And here I thought I was just good at reading people, and understanding them…" She sighed heavily and rubbed at her right eye, the dark, passionate greens overtaking the hazel that had dominated her gaze at last.

"And when we were in the hotpool... ah, I told you I think I’m going crazy." The weyrling said suddenly, aware of the small threads of disbelief and shock coming from his side of her bed. "I don't know what's wrong, or what to do about it..." She finally looked over at the bronzerider, barely keeping the tears from her eyes, though her voice remained remarkably level from many turns of practice. "It's... frustrating, to say the least." Srunae chuckled, a short, dry thing that was more derisive than her explanation of her problems. She didn't know what else to say, and she could feel A'zael's shock - she had a feeling she might have overwhelmed him with this... this... thing, but... what else could she do?

"I'm sorry... if I overwhelmed you with this... and for invading your privacy..." Emotions were a private thing, between a person and themselves, and she had invaded that privacy without so much as a second thought. Not that she could have helped it; but it still didn't sit right with her. She needed to figure out what it was so she could stop it, or at the very least control it.

[Zen]

A'zael :: Bronze Fath

Fath studied his golden companion for a moment. Sleepnow ifyouwant. He wouldn't mind at all to simply lay with her, if that's what she wanted to do. Shouldsleep ifyou'retired, he said rather matter-of-factly, with a maybe a touch of concern in his tone. He wasn't entirely sure why, but something seemed a bit off to him that Danovelith seemed so tired at this time of the day. Being the simple dragon he was, he came to the logical conclusion. When one was hungry, one ate. When one was tired, one slept. Sleep would make her better, back to normal.

Srunae seemed to deliberate for a little while, and A'zael wasn't sure if she was going to go into more detail or not. If she didn't want to talk to him about it, well... that was her choice, he wouldn't try to force the subject. But the thought that she perhaps didn't feel comfortable enough with him to be open about her problems was... disheartening. And something he definitely wanted to change. However, a moment later, she spoke at last, assuring him that his assumption of their relationship thus far wasn't entirely true. Well, that was a relief at least.

He hadn't been at all sure just what she might say when he asked her to elaborate, but telling him that she felt other people's feelings was... rather beyond anything he could have expected. It took her a little while to get it out, and he gave her his full attention while she worked out just what she was trying to say, but when she did finally get there.... Ah. What did you say to that? He did his best to stay focused on her, to listen to all that she was explaining before he let himself start jumping to conclusions about just what that meant.

Because there was only one of two options. Either she WAS crazy, or... she really could feel the emotions of those around her, and that... that was crazy by itself. And if she could... if she could feel emotions from other people, then that meant she could feel his... right now. What was he even feeling right now? Shock, for one. He tried to calm down whatever was in his head. If she could feel what he felt... he didn't want her feeling something and construing it wrong. If. What on Pern.

She'd moved on from the dining cavern, mentioning their time in the hotpool last night.... His eyes widened slightly. Had... she was saying she had... felt all those things he had been feeling last night? He couldn't even place half of those emotions himself, and they had been his. He gazed distantly at the far wall of the cave, trying to wrap his head around this. It sounded insane. But.... There were supposedly people that could hear dragons, even when they weren't bonded to them, or.... He had heard of them, though he'd never met any, and wasn't entirely sure if they really existed or not. The famous Lessa supposedly had the ability, but legends tended to become distorted over time so who knew if that was true or not. Could this be some sort of... human version of that? Instead of hearing thoughts, feeling emotions...?

He turned his blue-gray gaze back to her when she apologized, and shook his head, “No, Srunae, I... it doesn't....” Overwhelmed him. Yeah. He closed his mouth before he babbled more nonsense, quite aware of just how clueless he was about how he was supposed to respond to this. Invading his privacy, feeling his feelings. That didn't bother him so much. It was weird to think about, but... his emotions had never been a particularly private thing to him, he was usually a pretty open person, and with Srunae....

He turned himself more fully toward her, pulled her gently into his arms, “It's all right....” He leaned his forehead lightly against hers, closing his eyes so they could give nothing away, “What am I feeling... right now?” He didn't mean to test her, he just wanted to help... to help her figure out if the things she was feeling were real, or some strange thing her imagination was conjuring for some reason. He focused on his emotions, trying to figure out himself just what he was feeling. The shock had subsided some, but there was plenty of confusion in its wake. Concern, heaps of that. An underlying determination, to help, to figure this out. He couldn't place some of the other things, they were too buried and intermingled with everything else. He wasn't used to analyzing his own emotions.

[Rhush]

Srunae :: Gold Danovelith

Danovelith was momentarily taken aback by the big bronze’s matter-of-fact tone, and she blinked a few times to illustrate her surprise. As much as she appreciated his logic, and after not sleeping at all the night before Danovelith would have quite enjoyed a nap, but it simply couldn’t be done. Fath, the queenlet said gently, humor lacing her vaguely lethargic voice, It wouldn’t be appropriate if I simply fell asleep while you were visiting with me. What sort of hostess fell asleep on her guests, after all? She wrapped the bronze up in a whirl of warmth and appreciation, ripples of amusement spreading across the calm, mirror-like pool of her mind. I will survive for a few more candlemarks, don’t worry.

Srunae knew A’zael had been overwhelmed by her explanation before he even tried to say something after her apology; she was overwhelmed by her explanation. Her mind began down a track full of pessimism and depression, coming up with the various ways the bronzer could excuse himself from her presence, could respectfully explain why he would be avoiding her in his free time now. How that would leave her branded as the insane goldrider who relied on her dragon to stay calm while she went on about senseless things, surely causing the gold mental distress as well... She sighed, shaking her head. At least she would still have Danovelith to talk to-

Srunae was startled out of her train of thought as the bronzer pulled her into his arms instead of politely tried to escape. Her eyes widened and her heart leapt as he leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes instead of leaving her alone. Srunae mentally flailed. What-what in the world was he doing? Why... why didn’t he leave? And then he was talking, his voice warm and thoughtful, and asking her... What was he feeling right now? Srunae blinked at the bronzerider, completely caught off guard. He hadn’t run away. He hadn’t... he hadn’t left her alone. He… he was even willingly playing a guinea pig for her. The weyrling was caught somewhere between being incredibly grateful and being overwhelmingly uncertain.

“Err…” Srunae floundered for a moment before pushing away her jumbled emotions. He was asking her to tell him what he was feeling. The woman had never tried to feel what someone else was feeling, it had just… happened. She had absolutely no idea how to even begin to attempt what A’zael was asking, but… A’zael was… he was doing so much more than she had ever imagined to help her with this… she had to at least try. Maybe… maybe if she focused on the bronzer himself, she would… be able to focus on feeling his emotions? She sighed, not sure if that would even work, or even if she could actually feel someone else’s emotions. But… but wouldn’t such an ability come in handy? If she could control how she felt… things, she use it to tell if people were putting on airs, acting one way but entirely feeling another. She could empathize with people better, and tell who was genuine and who was in it for their own gain… wouldn’t that be useful to her? To protect herself from those who sought to repeat her past? And for the good of the weyr, she could tell if a lord was being true or not, or if someone in the council was truthfully for or against something, or even… even strings of planning something untoward.

Half tangled in insecurities but bolstered by the idea of being able to help, Srunae closed her eyes too, and did her best to… mentally reach, for lack of a better word, not unlike how she would for Danovelith, towards the bronzer she was curled up against. She swallowed hard, still uncertain, until emotions trickled in from a source that was not herself. “Ah… you’re still a bit in shock, but you’re… you’re more confused than astonished. And worried. There’s a lot of confusion and worry. And…” She prodded the bronzer’s feelings carefully with imagined tendrils of thought, nervous about this whole ordeal. “And determination… What are you determined for?” She chuckled vaguely, finding a strange sense of humor in that idea. “And… and I’m not sure what the rest of that is…” She opened her eyes and frowned for a brief moment before she was suddenly aware of how so very, very close A’zael was again. Srunae looked into his face, tracing the hard lines of his jaw to the softer lines of his lips thoughtfully. The weyrling resisted the urge to shake her head and forced her eyes to his closed ones, where she occupied herself with the faint crow’s feet at the corners of them. “Uhm… Compassion, maybe? It’s not prevalent enough for me to be sure.” It was then the weyrling realized something new about her weird… thing. She was far better at picking up on strong feelings than other, less prevailing ones.

“I’m wrong, aren’t I?” And there was the pessimism again.

[Zen]

A'zael :: Bronze Fath

Fath tilted his head slightly at Danovelith's explanation. It wouldn't be appropriate? He didn't quite understand why, but if she insisted then he wasn't going to argue with her. Ifyousayso, he conceded. He caught hints of his rider's emotions, emotions His did not feel under normal circumstances. Slightly concerned, he cast his gaze toward the two humans, but they did not seem to be doing anything to warrant these strange emotions. Danovelith did not seem overly concerned either, or he might have assumed Hers was still unwell. Still.... Yours isbetternow, yes?

A'zael kept his eyes closed, trying not to give any visual indication she could read or pick up on as she seemed to concentrate, silence falling between them. He wasn't sure if anything was happening. Was he... supposed to feel something? Like when a dragon spoke to you? No, that wouldn't make sense. Then he would have felt something in the hotpool, since she had apparently... at least THOUGHT she was feeling his emotions then. He hadn't felt anything unusual then either.

At last she spoke, hesitant. Shock, which was a natural assumption. She had just told him she could feel other people's emotions, anyone would be expecting a shocked response to that. But as she continued it was like she was reading his thoughts. Hadn't he just ticked off those emotions himself? She seemed confused when she found his determination to help her, and he couldn't help but smile a bit as she chuckled. This was... surreal. How was this even possible?

She tried for more, though she seemed as unable to determine those underlying emotions as he was. Compassion? Yeah, surely there was that. Of course he was feeling compassion for her, she was confused and scared about what was happening to her. He opened his eyes and cupped her cheek in one hand reassuringly, “You're not wrong, Srunae.” He was perhaps even more confused now than he had been previously, but... she was spot on. She had even gone farther than he had, and made him realize something within him that he hadn't quite been able to place on his own.

He didn't know what to think about this. She could... she could really sense others' emotions. For real. Either that or she was an impossibly good guesser, which... sort of seemed less likely at this point, as fantastical as the former seemed. His gaze softened as he looked down at her, “The determination is to help you.” It struck him that as strange as this was for him to wrap his head around, it had to be infinitely stranger for Srunae to experience. It was entirely understandable that she thought she was going crazy, he was certain he would feel the same.

“I... I don't think you're crazy, Srunae...,” he murmured, a half laugh escaping his lips, “I mean, I don't know how you're not... if you're feeling emotions around you all the time, but... I think you do. You're not... you're not crazy. You're... amazing.” The mental strength it must take to deal with that on a regular basis had to be incredible. It was no wonder she had Impressed Gold.

[Rhush]

Srunae :: Gold Danovelith

Danovelith didn’t miss Fath’s confusion, and made a mental note to ask Srunae why exactly it wasn’t appropriate to nap when there was company so she could more effectively explain it to Fath. The Gold dragon knew that a good hostess didn’t leave her guests to their own devices while they were visiting, but she couldn’t quite recall why any more. Oh, the joys of dragon memory! Danovelith chuckled to herself. She could ask her Srunae right then, actually... but after a moment the dragon dismissed the idea. It was nothing new to the gold to be privy to any number of bizarre emotional turmoils within Her Own, but she was working through them with the assistance of Fath’s, which was new. Her Srunae didn’t tend to lean on anyone outside of herself and her gold, but the queenlet recognized her rider didn’t fully share even with her half of the time -- as a result, Danovelith was relieved her bonded was taking comfort in another human and had no desire to interrupt their ministrations to calm Srunae's often overwhelming anxieties. Srunae My Own is indeed better. She thinks she is going crazy, as she sometimes does, but she is no longer unwell. Danovelith chuffed and glanced back at the pair of humans half flopped onto her Srunae’s bed. Yours is very good at helping her feel less crazy, you know.

And he was. Srunae felt considerably less overwhelmed in A'zael's presence, even if the bronzer hadn't managed to clear away her personal discomfort with the situation at hand. Srunae blinked a couple of times and fought back a blush as A’zael cupped her cheek, confirming that she wasn’t wrong. The goldweyrling averted her gaze, finding it difficult to look into his eyes at this revelation. The woman could, in fact, feel the emotions of other people, and had done so accurately upon her friend… which was extremely weird, no matter how you spun it. Srunae wasn’t sure how she felt about it all; she wasn’t crazy, that was a plus, and she had even managed to control her weirdness for a time… but as a result she was definitely some sort of freaky-empathetic-thing that was generally unable to control who or what she felt or even when she felt them. But, then, she had just successfully controlled her weird-feeling-feelings-that-weren’t-hers-thing for use… by probing the Mavros Weyrleader for his emotional input on the subject of her intense strangeness. So, to sum up, she was a freaky-empathetic-thing that could control her emotion-feeling-thing when she focused, but otherwise couldn’t seem to shut it off and had just emotionally spied on one of the most important people in the Weyr. Oh, that is sooooo much better than being crazy… She thought, fully looking away from A’zael and instead focusing on one of her shoes, which had escaped its usual spot at the edge of her bed and was instead sitting haphazardly atop a book.

Srunae wanted nothing more than to apologize, but she knew how silly it would be if she did -- A'zael had asked her to check into his feelings, but she just... she was completely at a loss. She had been thrown for a loop when the bronzer stuck around to comfort her instead of trying to escape out the nearest exit the moment the ridiculous goldweyrling began babbling on about being able to feel other people's emotions (including his own!) in compromising situations. Then, he allowed her the means to experiment on him to see if she was, in fact, crazy or something completely different, so then she was a spy with permission. And now, with it confirmed she wasn’t actually crazy but was somehow able to feel other people's emotions, he was still there -- holding her close as if she was a crying child that needed a hug to feel better instead of some freaky-empathetic-thing that surely was from another planet. What in Faranth’s name was she supposed to do now? To feel now? Why… why hadn’t he just… just left her alone?

The beastcrafter had come to Mavros alone and, to some extent, to be alone. She tended to like solitude -- it gave her time to think things through, to make sense of the weirdness that was regularly rolling around inside of her person. It was why she didn't really like having a shared weyr with Danovelith's sister and her rider. It was why she often took short trips out to the beast pens to enjoy the quiet air. It was why, though she had met with any number of people in the Weyrproper, in the beast pens, in the lower caverns and ship-filled caves, and even in her candidate and weyrling classes... she didn't have many real friends. Sure, she was friendly with Liesol, but the goldweyrling couldn’t forgive herself if she dumped her problems onto the greenweyrling -- Liesol needed a rock in her life more than Srunae ever did. And there was Talaria… but their 'friendship' was more of a 'tolerance-ship', as Talaria wasn't fond of her, though she wasn't much bothered by Talaria; but Srunae kept both of them at arm’s length either way. They would never see her cry or truly be anything other than cheery or calm. Outside of the two of them, Srunae's personal relationships amounted to little more than acquaintanceships; people she had met, knew the names of and perhaps a favorite hobby or two, and that was all. 

But then... then there was A'zael, Mavros' two-times youngest Weyrleader, a bronzerider that seemed more interested in having a roll in his furs than acting as a pinnacle of Weyr leadership. They had met over bizarre pets, and somewhere in their bantering and needling the man had taken a shine to her, and her to him... though their relationship hardly made much sense past their dragon's stereotypical attachment to one another - a bronze and a gold just naturally fit together. But their riders... A'zael was a flirty weyrbrat and Srunae was a bookish holdergirl. They hardly had things in common outside of a want for lighthearted conversation, humor, and maybe a touch of less... err... sophisticated things. Yet, here he was, filling the role of the steady rock in the storm she had always been for others but no one had been for her. It was... it was disconcerting, to say the least, to have the shoe on the other foot, but... but...

A'zael's voice broke into Srunae’s thoughts, and an illuminating admission curled into the swirling shadows of confusion and uncertainty that plagued her mind. The weyrling’s heart skipped a beat and she couldn't help but stare at him with dark green eyes, shock written all over her face. He didn’t leave… because he was determined to help her. The woman grappled with this revelation for a while, not sure what to do. Srunae had always been the one wanting so much to help others, never the one being helped – it felt weird to be the one in need of help, even uncomfortable. It didn't matter how much Srunae may have wished someone would be there for her when she was falling apart before; the weyrling truthfully didn't want to be a burden, and so she kept all her personal issues to herself and instead acted as the strength that others needed more. Everyone always was in far worse straits than she was; they had just lost the last of their living family, or had their beloved heirlooms stolen, or had gotten into a fight with their dearest friend. Srunae had so much – her beloved Danovelith, a roof over her head, food in her stomach, clothes of many kinds in her wardrobe, a few valuable heirlooms, amazing pets -- she didn’t mind sharing her joys with others to put a smile on their faces, to lighten up their days and temporarily warm her heart, ignoring what she really needed to fill the void that she stuffed all her problems into. She needed someone who could be her rock, someone… someone like…

Srunae… you're not crazy... you're amazing.

Srunae's vision blurred around the edges and her bottom lip began to quiver. Emotions flowed like running water down her body, which began to lightly shake as it became harder and harder to keep herself collected. The proverbial bottle she had been stuffing everything into crinkled, cracked, and then shattered, filled too full with everything she had been holding in. A wash of feelings whirled through her subconscious at once; dread, despair, anxiety, embarrassment, fury, pain... happiness, relief. The tears rolled openly down her face, and she instictively looked away from A’zael, struggling in vain to pull herself back together and unable to escape into solitude to do so easily. The woman hated crying in front of other people more than anything, and yet she couldn't stop; the full passionate flood of feelings was no longer caged, and so she had no choice but to cry herself out.

"I'm sorry..." She whispered with a gentle, wavering voice. "I just... thank you..." A soft, sheepish smile spread over her lips and she rubbed her forearm across her face to try and clear some of the waterworks. When that failed, she half-hid behind her long brown hair and took a shaky breath before continuing, "I... I expected to... to deal with this alone..." like I always have. "Thank you for your... your help." She could barely keep her voice level as she bit back a half-sob, half-humorous laugh as something crossed her mind.

"I swear... if you tell anyone... I cried on you... I'll kill you..." The threat was half-hearted, but the warm smile that curled over her lips wasn't.

Well… perhaps what she had was close enough.

[Zen]

A'zael :: Bronze Fath

Danovelith confirmed that Hers was indeed well and Fath was genuinely glad to hear it. HisA'zael had been quite upset about her since last night and he was happy His would be better now as well. His tail thumped as the Gold told him that His was good at helping Hers and he raised his head proudly, Mineisgoodatlotsofthings. His tone was warm with love for his rider, who he was entirely certain was the best human on all of Pern. Likestohelptoo. ReallylikesYours.

Oh man, crying. There was nothing worse than a crying woman, honestly. A'zael never quite knew what to do. He'd rather face Thread. Shards and shells, what had he said? What had he done? He nearly apologized, but Srunae beat him to it. Wait what? He shook his head, ready to deny any need for her to apologize, clearly he was at fault, not her, but then she thanked him and... he was so confused. Was she... was she smiling and crying? What in Faranth's name was happening?

She managed something of an explanation, which was he was eternally grateful for, and began to relax. So she was... happy then? This was... happy crying? Faranth's sake. A frown tugged at his lips as he thought about what she'd just said. She hadn't been expecting help, from anyone. He was sure now that they were similar in how they dealt with their own problems. They were both eager to leap and help others, but when it came to themselves....

He laughed when she threatened to kill him if he told anyone about this and shook his head again, “You could never kill me... Danovelith likes Fath too much for you to put him in danger. You'd upset her, and no rider likes upsetting their dragon.” He grinned at his failproof argument and brushed her hair out of her face where she was trying to hide behind it. His voice softened, “You can cry on me whenever you like. I promise I won't tell.”

Wrapping his arms around her, he rested his chin lightly atop her head, “You don't have to handle every hardship by yourself, Srunae.... You... you have strength beyond comprehension, but... no one can be strong all the time. And... if there's one thing I've learned as Weyrleader it's... that it's okay to hand the burden off to someone else every now and then, or at least let them give you a helping hand, before you're crushed by the weight of it all. And....” He leaned back to look down at her, one hand rubbing softly over her arm, “Your burdens... aren't burdens to the people that care about you.”

It had been a long lesson coming for him, and he was still learning it. It was still hard for him to let anyone else see his struggles while he tried to deal with them all on his own, but he was getting better about it. And he'd been finding that through it... he'd been getting more confident in this role he had been thrust into for a second time. It wasn't exactly the same, but... he was coming to realize that everyone needed help sometimes. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, “I hope you'll let me help you again... you know, the next time you think you're losing your mind.” A small grin returned to his lips as a light laugh escaped him at implying that there would be a next time.