Post by Alyx on Jan 29, 2018 6:54:32 GMT -5
Joia, Mavros Weyr, Just after the 'Worlds Apart' Hatching
DISCLAIMERS:
NO, Joia is not going mad.
NO, I don't have a source for the voice; its not meant to be anything but her own thoughts. The Color is to keep it all straight for me and for those reading.
YES, she will be okay, and
NO, I am not pissed at anyone, it's just me having Joia be upset.
Joia didn’t want to be here anymore.
She’d managed to walk off the Sands, barely, in spite of the shouting and screaming. She’d walked, quickly, chin up, off the Sands and out of the Hatching Cavern. Then, once clear; she ran. Full on, head down, tears burning at her eyes as she charged over the grass of the weyrbowl, intent on the safety of the candidate barracks. She felt once, or twice, she couldn’t remember it clearly – all she knew was by the time she got to the entrance to the barracks, her robe was torn, and dirty, and smeared with her own blood in places.
Ruined. The robe was a total loss; even if the dirt and blood would come out, the fabric had ripped pretty good when she had tripped, and she doubted it could be mended. She wiped her back of her hand against her burning eyes, the palms stinging from the dirt in the cuts from her tumble. Her knees hurt too, no doubt also bleeding under her leggings – she didn’t want to look.
The Barracks were empty; no shocker. They had had seventeen little hatchlings impressed today. She was the first, she thought, back from the hatching. Others would be back in time, wandering this way eventually. Others… others wouldn’t be coming back at all… if they did, it would be to collect their things and leave again. Mizao…. Karolinna… Aleni… Shard it, it wasn’t fair!! The tears started again, anger and pain making them burn her eyes. Why was she left behind?!
‘It wasn’t their fault,’ whispered a little voice in the back of her mind. ‘Your match wasn’t on the Sand this time.’ Why Not!? ‘It just wasn’t.’ That’s not Fair!! ‘Life isn’t fair. You know that’s true.’ It SHOULD Be!!! ‘Why are you yelling at me?’ Because you are here! ‘Am I now?’ Shut up, you aren't helping!! Joia sniffled, her face a mess of tears and runny nose as she stormed through the empty common room and flung herself at her bunk. She hit, bounced, and hissed a little in pain.
What did I do wrong? ‘Nothing. Nothing at all.’ But she had to have done something wrong.. why hadn’t the little Green taken her? Or the Gold? Or her Blue – her Blue was there, he Betweened! She was right there!! Tears continued, the pain of watching the Blue vanish into nothing hurting more now that Joia was over the thrill of being so, so close. ‘He wasn’t yours.’ But he could have been! ‘No.’ I would have loved him. Love him forever and ever and ever. She pulled her knees up against her chest, burying her face against the ruined fabric over them. ‘I know you would have… but it wasn’t you he needed.’
But… I needed him. ‘No you didn’t.’ She sobbed softly. I want to go home. I don’t want to be here anymore. ‘Do you really? Why?’ I just do! She closed her eyes, willing the voice in the back of her mind to leave –and it did. Maybe she was going mad. Maybe she already had? Maybe that’s why the little Blue hadn’t picked her? Joia sat and cried for a long, long time – until she thought she heard the sound of others, returning to the barracks. Voices. She choked her tears down, wiping her face on the arm of the ruined robe.
Standing, she pulled the thing off and flung it at the floor; watching the pale fabric, stained with blood and mud, pool on the floor, Joia rubbed her hand against her nose and sniffled. “I want… I want to go home.” Her voice was quiet, full of conviction, but shaky. Sitting on her bed, she took stock of her injuries – her palms were scrapped up nicely, swelling little droplets of blood; so were her knees, and her right shin. Her elbows weren’t bleeding, but they hurt like crazy. Probably bruised; Crackdust, she’d probably have bruises all over in the morning. And be too stiff to move.
She shrugged gently into an old shirt, one she wouldn’t mind getting a little blood on, and gathered her bathing things. A hot soak should hide most of the scratches, and stop the bleeding. She didn’t want to go to the healer, and she didn’t want to be here when the others came to get their things. Deep down, she knew they weren’t leaving her behind on purpose… but they still were!! And nothing they could say, or she could, was going to change that! Tomorrow, or the day after, she’d be back scrubbing dishes in the Kitchen, and they’d be… they’d be…
Pushing the thoughts off, she slipped out of her bunk area and padded toward the washroom. A bath, then she didn’t know. Sleep, maybe? Or find someplace else to be. Definitely not the Feast, or here – and tomorrow… tomorrow... Joia stripped and slipped into the water, hissing as the water hit her open, weeping scratches. She gasped a little at the pain, then pushed off and dunked her head under the water, letting it close over her head as she closed her eyes. She counted to 10… then 10 again, and broke the surface with a rush and a gasp for air. Blinking, she cleared the water from her vision and looked up toward the stone roof over her.
Tomorrow… tomorrow she’d tell S’bol she wanted to go home. ‘If that is what you really want.’ It is. ‘Very well.’
DISCLAIMERS:
NO, Joia is not going mad.
NO, I don't have a source for the voice; its not meant to be anything but her own thoughts. The Color is to keep it all straight for me and for those reading.
YES, she will be okay, and
NO, I am not pissed at anyone, it's just me having Joia be upset.