Post by Zen on Dec 25, 2013 23:43:55 GMT -5
A'zael
The news of his impending fatherhood had struck him emotionally numb, initially. Mollin had given him the news, that there was no possible way the child was anyone else’s, only the day before. A’zael was not exactly naïve. The thought that maybe it was someone else’s, that a woman might try to use such news to gain something over a Weyrleader had flitted across his mind. He did not know Mollin well… they had hardly interacted at all outside of their… intimate encounter. But what he had garnered of the woman was that they were alike when it came to their willingness to share their bed with others. He wasn’t entirely sure it was impossible the child was anyone else’s… but he wasn’t one to turn heartlessly away from the possibility either.
Besides, the way things had been going for him lately… something like this just WOULD happen. He finally gets a break in his sexual famine and… just… it WOULD happen. He had not voiced any doubts to Mollin that the child might be his. He wasn’t going to be one of those men. And after the initial thoughts of doubt had circulated he had felt… there was nothing to doubt. Mollin had seemed sincere and… somewhat distraught. She was a weyrling. OH she was a WEYRLING! It was too hard to wrap his mind around. Too hard. Had he really… REALLY gotten a WEYRLING pregnant? Wasn’t that just something that WOULD happen to him? Wasn’t it!? And then there had been the realization of how selfish his thoughts were at that time, as Mollin shared her news.
He had done his best to put aside those selfish thoughts, to assure Mollin that he would… do whatever he could to… to support her? He wasn’t entirely sure what that would require of him. Had she been a rider, fully fledged, he would expect her to take a break from drills and Threadfall, perhaps… the child would be born and soon raised in the crèche and he could visit it and be a part of its life and all would be just fine. But Mollin was a WEYRLING. It was going to set back her training, and her dragon… giving birth to this child presented a danger to her dragon. Perhaps he would be old enough to deal with his rider’s distress in child birth, and perhaps… perhaps not. The knowledge that he could be the cause of someone’s dragon Betweening, of someone becoming dragonless… it weighed heavier than anything he had experienced thus far as Weyrleader. What could he possibly do to support her if she lost her dragon?
A’zael shuddered where he lay on his bed, arm over his face as if it could block out reality. He had no idea what he would do if Mollin lost her Blue because of this. He had spent the rest of yesterday in his weyr, simply numb with shock. Today, however, feeling was returning to him, and with it came all the feelings he should have possibly displayed for Mollin and was subsequently thankful he hadn’t. Panic, that was definitely in there. Guilt. Worry. Concern. Anxiety. Fear. Faranth, why are you such an IDIOT… that was also in there. And there was… excitement. Anticipation. Curiosity. What would it be like… to be a father? Would his first child be a girl or a boy? He shook his head, arm still firmly over his face, eyes closed tightly. He had done plenty of stupid things in his life, but getting a weyrling pregnant… had to be about number one on the list.