Take My Past, I'm Never Looking Back [Treyjen]

[Zen]

Several months after Careful What You Wish For

“Treyjen… are y’sure about this?” Karosh stood, leaning over the table in Treyjen’s quarters, looking over at him with uncertainty clear on his features, “I know the crew voted for it but… if we do this, as you said, there’s no goin’ back.”

“What other choice d’we have, Karosh?” Treyjen stopped his pacing to look over at his friend, his brother in all but blood, “We had t’flee Southern. They’d even started t’pursue until they realized they couldn’t catch us. He’s spread the word. Major ports are closed for us now.”

It had been several months since he had stolen the Storm’s Eye, taken his crew, his sister, and fled, to keep her free and to finally escape his father’s dominion. It had been impulsive. He hadn’t thought it all the way through, really, he’d just been so angry and so desperate to get Nalyra away from him. The crew he had left were a close knit bunch, each and every one of them loyal to him as friends, as family he had chosen and earned for himself rather than the sorry excuse for one he’d been born into.

Karosh scratched at the back of his head helplessly, for he had no better ideas. “Treyjen… Tillek….”

“If y’wanna go back, Karosh, I won’t blame you. You’ve got family there, a better family’n me. I can get you as close as-”

“I’m not leavin’, Treyjen,” Karosh stopped him, “I’m with you. But…. Treyjen, what about Gildrey? I know you love that boy-”

“Karosh-”

“Damn near all y’can talk about after we visit Tillek is how you can’t wait t’sail with him-”

“Karosh-”

“How can y’just leave him-” he was cut off as Treyjen suddenly grabbed him by the collar of his shirt.

“Enough!”

The two of them stared at each other in a tense silence that stretched out for a long time before Treyjen finally released him, looking as though all the strength had drained out of him as he half stumbled back into a chair and sank into it, burying his face in his hands.

“Treyjen, I didn’t mean-”

“Stop,” Treyjen’s voice was quiet, almost pleading, devoid of the anger it had held only moments before. A truth he’d been avoiding had finally surfaced, and there was no denying it any longer. He had abandoned his son. If there was anywhere on Pern they would be recognized for the thieves they were, it would be Tillek. They could never go back. He would never see his son again. He hadn't considered that. How hadn't he considered that? He'd been so consumed just trying to get his sister away, he hadn't even thought of his son? He'd tried to reason with himself, that Gildrey was in safe hands, that Nalyra had needed him more. Gildrey had Rey and his wife and their children, but he was all Nalyra had. Just him. He was the only one who could save her from their father's machinations. It was small consolation.

The silence stretched out once more. At length, Treyjen reached for his skin of ale and took a long drink, avoiding his friend’s eyes. Finally Karosh spoke softly, leaving the sore subject behind, “We’re doing this, then?”

There was no going back now. There was nothing more to lose. Treyjen looked up at him, took another long drink and pushed to his feet, making his way out to the deck of the ship and tossing his answer over his shoulder, “Aye. We’re turning pirate.”

Taxx  the start of dat Gildrey guilt x'D

[Zen]

A couple months later...

The day had hit hard. Harder than he’d ever imagined it would. It had been a looming thing, a dark storm cloud on the horizon growing steadily closer with no way to outrun it. He’d been growing increasingly agitated as it drew nearer and had taken to keeping to himself more and more.

Today he didn’t even leave his quarters. Today… today would better off not existing.

Knocks and inquiries from the crew came at various intervals, but he answered none of them, glaring at his door until the sounds outside stopped and whoever it was retreated. He didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything today except forgetting. He was sure he heard Karosh at one point. Jusikar another. His sister once, banging on the door as if he owed her entry. A certain fury had risen up in him then and he’d hurled a nearly empty bottle of wine at the door, where it had shattered against his sister’s attempts to get his attention.

It had been for her. It was all for her. He was here because of her. The least she could do was leave him well enough alone, today of all days. And for once she seemed to get the message and the banging had stopped. For once she didn’t press her luck, like she always did, because for the first time in his life he had turned his temper toward her. He cursed and opened another bottle as silence greeted him from beyond his door. This day… this day needed to be wiped from his memory.

Treyjen stared down at the bottle in his hands for a long moment. His thoughts were fuzzy, his quarters in a sort of haze, but it wasn’t enough. Not yet. Because he could still feel it. He could feel how wrong it was to be here. Because he should be there. He should be in Tillek. He should be with his son, as he had been for every one of the boy’s namedays after missing his birth. He could hear his father’s grumbling about the time he was wasting going back for ‘just another day’ in the boy’s life, how Gildrey was too young to know or care or remember it anyway, such a pointless endeavor for him to take one of his ships out of commission.

He didn’t care. He didn’t care about his father’s heartless opinions. The Storm’s Eye was his and he had promised Gildrey he would be there for him, and so he would. Only he wasn’t. Not now. Not anymore. Not ever again.

Angry tears burned in his eyes so he closed them and buried his face in his hands as if to hold them back. It was the first of Gildrey’s namedays that he would miss… but it wouldn’t be the last. It all came crashing down on him, all the things he would miss in his son’s life and the broken promise he had left him with. He would never teach him about the stars, never teach him to sail, never show him the world and help him find his place in it.

He took a long drink straight from the bottle, slumped back in the chair and stared down at the bottle once more, into the dark liquid within, wishing for nothing less than a sea of it to drown himself in. He wanted to forget. He needed to forget, to wash this day away forever, to leave it in the bottom of a bottle and hurl it into the sea.

His drinking continued late into the day, through two more ignored attempts to get his attention. If he never left his quarters did the day really exist? It may as well be a bad dream. He refused to recognize them in their attempts to drag him back into a reality he would not, could not face. This day only existed beyond his door. Not here. Not in this dark room. Here he was suspended in time. Yes. Today… today didn’t exist. Just a dream, it was just a dream. Perhaps if he went to sleep it would end. Stumbling across the room he half fell, half crawled into his bed, collapsing into its soft embrace and the haven from today it brought.