aftermath [alyx/haella]

[tovaana]

Weyrling Muze :: Green Rylath
Morning after Rylath’s first flight

Rylath had received news from a dragon that Muze was excused from her chores that day. It made Muze's face flush, to think if it was because of Rylath’s flight and… just yesterday in general. She didn’t want to be excused, she wanted to go about her life as if yesterday had never happened, but it had. On the other hand she knew she was still emotionally unstable and… sore. She pulled the furs up to her ears, trying to block her emotions from Rylath, but it took so much energy that she didn’t have leftover energy to cry while she was blocking Rylath.

The growing green was curled around the head of her bed, her head resting near Muze’s. Rylath’s eyes whirled a soft concerned yellow. She had been desperate to make Muze happy, but no matter how many times they engaged in conversation and Rylath trying to make sense of Muze’s human emotions – they just didn’t make sense. It left Muze feeling even crummier, that her emotions were bothering her dragon.

‘Why don’t you go spend some time with your siblings and cousins? I need to rest a bit more.’ She shifted, wincing at the ebbing pain within her. I want to be with you, though. Her dragon’s plaintive response was the need to make her rider feel better. ‘How about you go hunt some fish for me, then?’ There was a pause at this. ‘It would make me feel better knowing we contributed today. And I’ll come give your hide a scrub on the beach when the sun gets higher.’ Rylath lifted her speckled head, easily believing her rider and glad to have something she could do to make her rider happy. I can do that! She responded, getting up and heading to exit out, only glancing back once at her rider before leaving.

With her dragon gone and more distracted, she carefully let go of the control she’d been able to muster and let a few tears fall down her cheeks sideways onto her pillow. She’d had a dream just that night about hands that were grabbing at her – not letting her go. And she hadn’t wanted them to let her go during the moment, but as time passed she had felt trapped, but had been unable to escape. She kept trying to convince herself that yesterday had not been a nightmare like the one she had had last night, but no matter how she told herself that it was ‘normal,’ her mind rebelled against it, condemning her for something she had been helpless against. She pulled the furs closer around her, as if it would protect her from the bombarding feelings.

Alyx

[Alyx]

Haella and Green Tsulocanth

Haella drifted down the passageway, the tray in her hands. She whistled softly, her chestnut curls flaring around her cheeks and ears as she quickened her pace. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she could hear Tully chattering away, and hoped very much she wasn’t annoying D’rew and the weyrlings. She couldn’t remember if they were in lessons today or not, but with her luck, Tully would find a way to get involved… sometimes, the Green was like a child, both good and bad.

She’s checked in with Z'kar this morning, via dragon to dragon rather than trying to track the Bluerider down. She had hoped he would have stayed with the young greenrider until she’d been able to get to her, but he’d fled as soon as he’d been awake it seemed. Haella huffed softly, typical boys. Have the fun, and then run before the poor girl knew what the heck happened. Sometimes, she wondered what their mothers would think of such antics.

‘Tully?’ Hm? ‘Where is Rylath?’ There was a pause, then the over bubbly reply. Fishy fishing! Do you want me to get her? ‘No, no, that’s okay. I just wanted to make sure her rider wasn’t with her.’ Nope, nope. She’s playing on her own. ‘Thank you.’ Haella pushed the Green away, hopefully off to do something that might expend some of her boundless energy.

“Knock Knock.” Haella lifted her voice as she neared one of the curtained-off doorways. Dipping her shoulder, she pushed it away with her elbow and still kept the tray she was carrying steady in her group. As expected, the room appeared empty… except for a mound in the bed, drowned in furs. Haella gave a soft smile, pausing a moment to give a soft sigh. “Morning, Muze. I brought breakfast. You need to eat something.”

Haella crossed the floor, resting the tray on the table first before turning to face the bed. “Come on. You can’t hide in there forever. I promise it doesn’t help. I tried it too; it just makes you think too much.” The redhead tilted her head, her feature soft and sympathetic. “Come on, please? I have some fresh fruit too. And we can talk? If you would like to?” She didn’t want to drag the girl out of the covers, but she would if she had to. She just… well, preferred to coax her out if possible instead? Dragging was so much effort.

tovaana

[tovaana]

Weyrling Muze :: Green Rylath

She stiffened at the sound of someone approaching, a somewhat familiar voice – but she didn’t get up, in case it wasn’t actually for her. The voice entered the room and greeted her. Muze blinked away her tears; glad to be facing away from the approaching green rider. Breakfast? Food. She hadn’t been paying any attention to her appetite, in fact – she hadn’t eaten yesterday, avoiding everyone like the plague. What if she had run into Vav? She gulped hard, her throat dry – and discovered that perhaps she was hungry.

Couldn’t she? Hide in her bed forever? Just until they went back to normal time and she had a door? Her sarcastic thoughts paused when she brought up that she had tried it too. Haella, that was the owner of the voice, she remembered right then – indeed a green rider too. So – she wasn’t the only one to feel this way?

She shifted in bed, testing the muscles that weren’t sore before twisting and lowering her furs to under her chin. She had let the last tears air dry, her cheeks taut with the salt water. Muze wondered idly about the time Vav, or now V’than, had suggested she talk to someone, would he have directed her to Haella?… the irony it would be if it were, and now she had come to her anyways…to talk. Could she talk without crying? No, she admitted to herself, feeling her emotions still wild and untamed within her chest… But she could sit up and acknowledge Haella.

Using her arms and stomach muscles she pushed herself into a sitting position, wincing for the briefest of moments as she settled into sitting. Muze was quiet, her boldness had left her bare, and she didn’t much like the feeling. She avoided eye contact with Haella, glancing at the food on the table, but also not reaching for it. She didn't actually have to hide under the furs, she had fallen to sleep with her clothes on, feeling more secure in every day clothing. 

“If it doesn’t help… what does?” Chancing a glance at the kind green rider’s face, but darting away quickly. Guilt, shame… she knew it was normal for a green rider, so why couldn’t she shake the feelings?

[Alyx]

Haella and Green Tsulocanth

First mornings were always a mix of emotions. Haella did her best to always be prepared for the overflow – girls they were weyrborn seemed to take it a little better, but at the same time, even they could be nothing but guilt, tears, and a load of self-hate when dragonlust wore off and reality started to settle in. It was times like this, looking back, she was fiercely glad her first morning after had been waking up to Rachel’s familiar face. It hadn’t made it perfect, but it had made it a little less of a shock?

She waited, wondering at first if she was going to have to bodily remove Muze from the blankets. It wasn’t impossible, but having to manhandle someone that… well, had been ‘man’ handled the night before put the whole experience on a sour note. And she was trying to mend wounds, not make them larger. Haella waited and hoped; soon, the blankets shifted, just a bit, and the teary, tired face appeared from the depth of the furs. She gave the girl a sympathetic smile, grateful that she hadn’t made Haella come into the blankets after her.

She watched the girl sit up for a moment, then turned to the tray to give the young greenrider a chance to sit up and sort herself. Tipping the powder into the clay mug, she followed it with the water and stirred it gently, making sure the mixture dissolved into the warm liquid before collecting the cup and turning back to the girl. The tea was something she’d brought back with her, a gift from Rachel on her first morning – she offered the warm mug to Muze and smiled gently.

“Here, take it. It will help with the soreness. Rachel gave it to me on my first morning. It helps with all those sore muscles in your legs and stomach.” If it didn’t help… what did? Haella sighed softly. “Talking helps? At least, it helped me. A bath helps sometimes, food. Getting up and getting out in the sun, or sometimes standing in the rain? Anything to wash that feeling off like you are something less then you were before it happened?”

There was an edge to the woman’s voice as she stood a little step closer to Muze, trying to read the girl’s face even though she wouldn’t look at Haella. “Most of all, you have to remember that you didn’t do anything wrong; and no one is going to think less of you for what happens during a Flight. I know it doesn’t help when I say it gets a little easier, but I’m not gonna say you aren’t supposed to be a little upset or shaken or that ashen crap.” Haella gave a little snort.

“I am going to simply ask you to drink this tea, maybe eat a little food, and I’m here if you want to talk about it. I’ve been there. And I don’t want you to have to deal with all this alone. Okay?”

tovaana

[tovaana]

Weyrling Muze :: Green Rylath

Her eyes looked up as Haella’s hands moved to the tea and she watched noiselessly as she retrieved the cup of tea. She paused before taking it when it was offered, her brown eyes first glancing up to catch the smile that encouraged her to hesitantly take the cup. Her fingers tingled from the warmth that seeped through the cup, but she just stared into the contents quietly as she listened to the more experienced green rider.

The soreness was normal, well that was good. Her hands tightened around the cup. A bath, she had taken one of those – but she had done it quickly so that she wouldn’t be caught undressed, even by another girl. Being with Rylath sort of helped… but also reminded her vividly of what had happened. She did feel less, the blue rider had made her feel like… like… when her father had talked down to her as a child, before she had built up her grit. She felt like she’d been stripped of all that…

Haella took a step toward her and she glanced up for a moment, but only a moment. Her jaw tightened slightly. She knew she had done nothing wrong, but her heart didn’t seem to believe that knowledge. Muze had a sudden urge to interrupt the green rider to tell her that she knew that already – but at the same time, maybe she didn’t know it enough. She mustered a weak and short-lived smile as she mentioned that she wasn’t going to lie to her.

She swished the tea in her hands, bringing it to her lips and sipping it after she asked her to drink. The bitter taste with a little sweet filled her instantly, warmth almost burning her tongue and warming her stomach. She took a shuddering breath and her shoulders hunched inward for a moment.

“I…” It was all she mustered before tears welled up in her eyes. Her jaw muscles tightened in frustration from her emotions that threatened to let loose. She took another slow breath and then took another sip, as if she could swallow and put away the emotions away for later.

“Okay.” She took another sip. What was something that she wanted to talk about? She knew it was normal, but that didn’t help. “When… I guess I just imagined having a relationship with… one person.” She bit her lip softly, looking up at Haella. “Is that… not possible?” Her emotions caught at her throat, threatening to rise up to her eyes if she didn’t stop talking. She also didn't want to attract Rylath while talking about last night...

[Alyx]

Haella and Green Tsulocanth

Haella felt herself almost willing the girl to talk. She’s been through this a dozen times, both being the one talking and the one huddles in the furs; she could talk to herself for hours, if need be, just to help the person feel like they weren’t alone. But it was so much easier when they talked back? It made Haella feel more like she was actually helping, rather than just annoying the person that would have rather be left alone with their misery. She could see the storm behind Muze’s eyes; she knew there was pain there, Haella just needed to get her to talk about it, maybe then she could help her let some of it go?

When Muze did find her voice, the words weren’t really a surprise. Haella didn’t let the smile slip from her lips, but she knew the pain in the other greenie’s voice. “That’s what we all want, right? Someone to be our one and only, to protect us and cherish us and all that?” Haella’s voice was a little wistful as she folded her legs, dropping to sit crossed-legged on the floor by the bed Muze was curled in. She thought for a moment, not wanting to crush the girl’s dreams, but she didn’t want to right out lie either?

“It’s not impossible? I mean, a lot of riders have permanent relationships that were formed outside of a Flight. It’s harder to do with someone that isn’t a dragonrider because they don’t understand that we share our whole beings with our dragons, and how confusing and consuming Flights can be.” She gave the girl another, stronger smile. “Not impossible, but not easy either, I suppose. I know a few riders that make it work; it takes work and understanding though. Like any relationship, I guess.”

Haella shifted, resting her elbows on her knees, then tucking the knuckles of her left hand under her chin as she talked to Muze. “My first time wasn’t as early as yours, but at least I woke up next to a familiar face? Not sure if that was better or worse, but at least I knew the person wasn’t gonna think horrible of me when I burst into tears and tried to hide under the blankets?” She laughed softly. “Rachel actually told me she’s used to that sort of reaction the morning after.”

tovaana

[tovaana]

Weyrling Muze :: Green Rylath

She clung to the cup, desperately trying to stay in the present and not reach for Rylath’s comforting presence. Instead she took another sip of the tea – the more she swallowed, the more she felt she was able to calm down and hear what the more experienced green rider was telling her. Still, her joints were from the force of her hands around the warm cup.

She felt a wave of validation when Haella confirmed that her hopes of being cherished by ‘one’ was not unique, even to green riders. The rest of her words though, while they helped her understand further her situation, did not ease her heart. Muze would now and forever be trapped – her thoughts froze, making sure Rylath was still distracted by the lapping waves and trying to fish… she’d forever a green rider, unable to stop or control who caught Rylath. She could have just one man, but he would have to understand that when Rylath rose, it wouldn’t necessarily be his bed that she’d be sharing. At least… if it were a fellow dragon rider, they could be more understanding… and if it were a blue rider, maybe they’d have a better chance of catching Rylath… She chewed lightly at the inside of her cheek, deep in thought when Haella said a familiar name.

Muze’s eyes blinked purposefully, eyes trained on the green rider. It sounded like, if she was assuming Rachel was the same Rachel that had searched her, that Rachel’s Aslith had caught Haella’s green the first time. She blinked again. It wasn’t often that Muze was stunned to silence. While the rider whose blue had caught Rylath had been unkind, at least it had been a man… waking up with a woman… he cheeks burned red, looking down at her tea and taking another sip. That… was another thing she had to consider that may happen down the road, she realized… there were female blue – even brown riders.

She cleared her throat, glancing up at Haella. “I love Rylath… I wouldn’t change anything about her. It’s hard for me to explain to her how I’m feeling... and I’m upsetting her.” Muze paused. “I just don’t like the lack of control I feel… and the whole thing after just left me feeling… empty. Disappointed. Frustrated… Humiliated.” The last word was said in a quieter tone, but naming all the feelings released something that made the young green rider feel a little better. At least she wasn’t alone. She took another longer sip of the hot tea and glanced at the food. Perhaps she better eat, she still didn’t feel like eating, but she knew her hunger only bothered her dragon more.

Alyx

[Alyx]

Haella and Green Tsulocanth

Haella watched Muze process her words, hoping on some level she was understanding what Haella was trying to tell her. There was a chance for some sort of... Something, outside the constant pull of a Green’s Rise. If she was lucky, said partner would be a Blue or a Brownrider, and her dragon could gravitate to the other’s dragon as she had seen happen before, it would mean more often to wait with your partner, but it was something that Haella herself didn’t have much hope for? She wasn’t really that’s drawn to any of her former partners except for Rachel as her friend. Back here, Aslith hadn’t been here to catch Tully, and the outcomes had been interesting, to say the least.

She saw the look cross Muze’s face the moment she registered Haella was telling her that Rachel’s Blue had caught her green. Oh, hadn’t thought of that, had she? Not all Blueriders were male… not all Brownriders now, for that matter. It would happen, quite possibly, and Haella had a feeling she’d been having another talk like this with Muze in the aftermath. As Muze continued to talk, Haella just listened, providing an ear for the girl’s worries. She nodded, noticing the girl look toward the food, and smiled. Pushing to her feet, Haella crossed to collect the tray of food and move it closer.

“I felt the same way when Tsulocanth rose the first time. Even though they tell you in Weyrling Classes it will happen, all the lessons in the world don’t prepare you for the first time you can’t control them, or when you wake up feeling like you just want to crawl into a hole so you never have to see anyone again.” Fingers lifted the tray, crossing the distance back to the bed. Haella shifted it a little, resting it on the bed itself next to the girl and snagging a piece of fruit off it before dropping back to sit on the floor. “Being back here is strange, honestly. For Tully, rising is like a big game of chase-tag… she seems to be intent on playing with everyone, and it’s led to some… uncomfortable mornings?”

Haella coughed, pulling out her boot knife to cut the redfruit in pieces. Freeing a slice, she pulled it off the blade with her teeth, and then looked back at Muze. “All those things you mentioned? How you are feeling? Are totally allowed; I’m not saying that to sooth you. Almost every rider, no matter the color, feels that way after. Greenriders just have to face it first. Lucky us, huh?” There was a bitter edge, just a little one to Haella’s voice. She paused a moment. “Anything I can get you? I mean, food and drink are here, but is there anything else you need? Change of clothes, a healer… more answers to uncomfortable questions?”

tovaana (not sure how much more you want to put your poor girl threw? Let me know if/when you want to wrap this up, kk? And sorry for the activity gaps!)

[tovaana]

Weyrling Muze :: Green Rylath

Well, she wasn’t alone in her feelings, there was that at least. It frustrated Muze to feel so weak, when she had worked her whole life to be strong – like unto a boy so that her father would approve of her more. Now here she was, feeling crushed in the matter of a natural event. She took a deep breath and rubbed her face, listening to Haella and watching as she brought the food over. Her mouth watered. She grabbed a piece of fruit as well with the hand not holding her mug and at the same time glancing at the green rider as Muze dug in, wondering if this rising thing was just going to be a challenge for the rest of her life. The sweetness of the fruit washed over her tastebuds as she tried to listen and ponder. It was an unexpected change… something she really hadn’t anticipated being that consuming when becoming a rider. When a child looks up into the sky and sees or imagines a dragon, they think about the glory of fighting thread – not the lifestyle that comes with it (at least, unless you desire a bronze or gold).

Muze caught the bitter tone, “yeah, lucky.” She agreed with raw sarcasm.

She offered the green rider a weak smile. “Thank you, no… I think I’m okay now… I am sore, but I think I’ll go take a better and longer bath before facing the world.”

Muze felt the urge to apologize, but realized that there was nothing to be sorry for. Being a green rider wasn’t something to apologize for – neither any of the other colors. Sure, the other colors chased greens, but they didn’t have to deal with the aftermath as often. Muze sighed, feeling her heart and face muscles relax a bit. “So, yeah. Thanks…”

OoC//  Alyx we can wrap it up here – don’t feel pressure to reply unless you want to, I think there’s pretty good closure(: Thanks!

[Alyx]

Haella and Green Tsulocanth

Just like Muze hadn’t missed her bitter tone, Haella didn’t miss the young greenrider’s either. For a moment, Haella wished fiercely that the girl had Impressed a Blue, or a Brown… or any color other than green. It wouldn’t have made a huge difference in truth, but for some reason, Haella felt for a moment that it would have given her a little more reprieve from the fate that being bound to a Dragon brought.

But then, Blues would chase almost every Green, and Browns could chase both Green and Gold. In the long run, a Greenrider would only have to deal with the chaos of a Flight every three months or so; Blueriders, and Brownriders, once their dragons matured, would be dealing with multiple Flights and Chases, catching or not, a month. Haella quickly rescinded the wish – no, the Girl would be a Grand Greenie. Haella was sure of it.

As if to prove her right, Muze snagged a redfruit and bit deep into it. When the girl spoke again, her tone was different. The pain was still there but tempered, as was the confusion. Haella returned the smile gently, giving the girl a nod. “You are welcome. It’s what I am here for, remember? We Greenies need to stick together.” Slicing another piece free of the fruit, Haella shifted a little on her seat on the floor.

“I’m glad I could help though. If you ever need anything, you can come and find me, okay? I mean that. Here or when we got home, I’m always here if you need someone to chat with. Just so you know, it’s a standing offer.” Haella gave Muze a brighter smile, then returned her attention to her own redfruit, letting the girl eat in peace.

tovaana With that, I'm good with a close. Thanks for the thread!! <3