his unimpression [treyvin's memories]

[tovaana]

Treyvin; the unimpression; timed back trip

He wasn’t even close to awake when they were awoken for the hatching. Even sleeping in crowds could sometimes be difficult – since dreams triggered emotions, even while one slept. He’d finally been able to sleep a couple of solid hours when he woke up feeling as if he had gotten no sleep at all. Even with the few candidates feeling refreshed, the emotions seemed more burdensome than to lighten his load.

Like the undead he got ready and made his way to an available dragon with his arms wrapped around himself from the morning chill. He was hardly conscious as they flew to the mountain that protruded the land and held the promise of soon to be dragon riders in the form of wiggling eggs. He closed his eyes as they descended in the dark toward the place where the eggs were going hatch.

There was so much hope and fear, he wasn’t sure where his own feelings were… did he really want to impress? But what if he didn’t impress? The original ‘deal’ was that he would give up his life on the docks to maybe impress. Now, he had added two turns to his life back in time and if he didn’t impress… Then he’d be older coming back, and far behind in his studies as a boatman… Everyone made it seem that impressing was such a wonderful event, so – perhaps he did have both hope and fear.

By the time he was stumbling behind the rest of the candidates, he was more awake – but he guessed it had to do with the fact that there were two large gold dragons that loomed over them. His chest trembled from the various new emotions that were added, not just the golds and their riders, but the eggs too. Treyvin’s breathing got deeper and quicker as suddenly the land around him felt as if he was trapped and needed out NOW. He almost felt the need to crack out of an egg, as if he were in one. He moaned out loud and closed his eyes, not seeing the couple of people that looked toward him.

A hand touched his arm and he flinched, as if one of the emotions had come out and struck him. “Hey, you okay?” He opened his blue eyes to a short brown eyed girl, her face creased with concern – but the feeling was light compared to her nerves and excitement about the eggs hatching, or he assumed that was the source, since it was sort of a big deal at that moment. He nodded and offered a weak smile. “It’ll be okay, no matter what happens.” It was Muze, he recalled her name from the few lessons he had spent with her and her brother. He felt like her words were to try to convince herself, rather than just him. After another weak smile he moved to the front of the crowd, hugging herself.

The humming dragons didn’t help.

The whispering didn’t help.

All their feelings – it was so much.

And then an egg cracked open. He gasped as if he’d been drowning and then broke the surface – but only to find more waves of water to crash down. The feelings of everyone heightened and he put his hands to his head and backed away from the candidates, only to be nudged roughly forward by someone. He bumped into a few of the candidates, letting his hands fall – blinking in the dimness, trying to focus on his own feelings, or maybe the strongest feeling in the room. The problem was – there was no one strong feeling… until there was.

His eyes grew large and he could feel his heart his ears as he felt the joy and bliss as the first impression happened. Treyvin blinked. No… No, no, no, no. He couldn’t handle this. He had a hard enough times in crowds and he was realizing too late that this was a very bad idea. Was it possible for his mind to explode? Could he block the feelings out? He’d done it a few times, but all it had done was mute the feelings, and it had been a numbing experience, having to force himself to not feel.

All the feelings were starting to numb him anyways – his mind a buzz with the meshing feelings… The one thing he could sort out was that most of the feelings could be categorized – if only they would settle in his mind in such an organized manner. Joy. Excitement. Hope. Nervous. Disappointment… Instead they entered his mind chaotically and surged through him, like the toppling of wave in fast motion and no time to breathe.

“I… I can’t…” He gasped in a whisper and nearly fainted when the older candidate impressed to the brown too close to him. Too close, it was all too close. He wanted to feel that joy himself, but it was almost depressing to feel the joy, only to know it was not his own…and he didn’t have time to or room to even hope that the next dragon might be his – because he was feeling No’va’s hope vivid and strong – a certainty that Treyvin didn’t have.

He inched backward and turned away, searching for someone who could help him – maybe a way out or a place to hide… only to realize that there was no way to leave. On top of it all, he didn’t have time to think about escape, he was busy being consumed by the joy of the next impression that he couldn’t see. He was starting to sense a pattern in the feelings. First; a surge of excitement and hope from the candidates and onlookers when an egg would hatch, then anticipation or humor or whatever accenting feelings depending on what the hatchling was doing. Finally, burst of JOY and bewilderment from the impression, and then repeat. The worst part of it was that he couldn’t ride the waves of this pattern, because they overlapped and overrode each other.

When the black green hatched he whirled around, his breathing deep and frantic – but desperate to know where all the surprise and wonderment was coming from. No, no, no, this was a horribly bad idea. He would never make a good rider; he was too unstable. This wasn’t right for him, what had he been – his thoughts were interrupted by another surge of JOY from impression.

[to be continued]

[tovaana]

It was funny that he could feel so much, but not feel the vomit that came next. Luckily he had backed away from the crowd enough that it didn’t hit any of the other candidates, but the sudden exertion on his body on top of his pounding head seemed like it was the last thing his little frame could handle.

Everything was starting to get blurry and he stumbled away from the spot he had hurled what little was in his stomach from last dinner. He stumbled and fell on his hands and knees, tears from watering eyes falling straight from his blurry eyes to the ground. This was not how he had imagined his first time on the sands in which he had fully intended to impress to a dragon… Yes, he decided in that moment, that’s all he had wanted. Blackness entered his vision and he was vaguely aware that he was fainting – and that Concern had approached him and was holding him, or… carrying him?

For a lot of the rest of the hatching he sat with his head between his legs, fighting to stay conscious while the feelings rolled through him. Every couple times that JOY surfaced, tears would roll down his cheeks. He wasn’t sure if the tears were from the pure happiness that he was feeling, or his own feelings reacting to the happiness – sadness that he wasn’t impressing and obviously in no state that a dragon would ever want him. So this was it, wasn’t it? He couldn’t handle a hatching, so how could he ever impress?

“Breathe, breathe…” He was acutely aware of the person rubbing his back lightly and telling him to breathe. Treyvin assumed it was the same person who had helped him into a sitting position and directed him in the curled position he was in at the moment. “How are you doing?” Concern asked him. He moved his head to rub his face on his arms that rested on his knees and encircled him.

“I’m… I’m fine.” He managed in hoarse voice, blinking away tears and heart aching as a bronze impressed to a boy. More surprise echoed all around him as a brown black cracked from its shell, but Treyvin never saw any of it, it was hard enough to handle the emotions as they changed and shifted quickly, let alone to watch it all.

But his head snapped up as strong feelings came from a few individuals. There was excitement and confusion – but through blurry eyes he peeked through the legs of the very few candidates that remained and saw a girl running at a smaller egg, a boy following behind. The urge and feeling to follow was so strong that he moved suddenly, scrambling to get up and run to help, hardly thinking of his pounding head that felt light and scrambled. “Where are you going?” A hand grabbed his arm to restrain him, as if realizing that the boy was entering the fray – but Concern must have been concerned about his pale face, because he talked him into sitting once more – which was probably good the way his vision was swimming.

“But…” he breathed – gasping at the pain, but not pain – the adrenalin, the trapped feeling, and the desperation – all of it, and then the impression…. He hugged himself, shaking his head; sitting down again and feeling the feelings start to become more like mashed substance with no pattern. “The eggs… there are no more…” He said, without looking up from his feet.

“Huh?” The voice of concern no longer felt mainly of concern, which meant that he was probably out of danger now. Then it followed with, “well, no… there aren’t.” Now concern had become pity.

He bit his lip, hugging himself with his head on his knees, letting a few more tears fall before blocking out all feelings period…and to his surprise, they all went away. It was a numbing and quiet experience, even if it didn’t last long, since it took too much effort from his tired body. But the little moment held a seed of hope, but he was too tired to even feel hope – he just wanted to go back to bed. The candidate barracks would be quite empty now with all of the impressions, so maybe he would actually be able to get decent sleep too.